Page 77 of Raven
My body shook as emotions threatened to spill out, my heart pounding in my ears as I tried to align what they were saying with what I’d thought and felt.
Had I been giving up when it got hard? Was I sabotaging because I didn’t feel worthy? Looking for any excuse to run away?
Otto tugged on my arm, and I fell back to the bed as all the fight and the need to run escaped me. He pulled me into his arms, and I went willingly, too weak to push away his comforting embrace. The tears I’d been holding fell in silent rivers down my face as I nuzzled into his chest. The bed dipped on both sides, and more bodies pressed into me, cocooning me in their warmth and presence.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
I sucked in a breath, wiping my eyes as I pulled away and sat up. I glanced around at the four men who owned my heart and were far more competent than me in this area. It was odd to feel dumb about something but refreshing at the same time because it meant I could learn. And I was an excellent student. I could learn anything if I tried.
“I’ve never been in love before. I thought I knew what it meant to love someone, but when my only examples werePhoenix Hospitaland the memories of a six-year-old, my database was lacking. While I love my sisters, and they love me, it’s different.” I shrugged one shoulder, playing with the string on the comforter. Someone squeezed my foot, reminding me I needed to face the people I hurt and not hide. “I’m sorry I got scared and withdrew. I just thought you’d all be better without me. All this mess was my fault, and I couldn’t face that.” My lip trembled as I accepted all the emotions I’d been feeling—confusion, fear, loneliness, shame, and guilt.
“Is it wrong that I get a little excited about being smarter than you in something?” Phoenix asked, his eyes sparkling. Porter smacked him, and his smile returned. “Ow, Bro. That one hurt. Gunshot, remember?” Phoenix pouted, putting on a fake grimace and making Porter feel guilty as he started to hover and apologize.
“Wasn’t it the other shoulder?” I asked, winking. Porter immediately stopped and realized I was right, smacking Phoenix again for good measure. Phoenix doubled over, laughing at his brother. Porter shook his head and crossed his arms, but the darkness I’d seen earlier had lifted, and he was back to being the sunshine boy I knew.
“We’re all learning how to navigate a relationship, Little Bird,” Otto said from behind me. He sat up, wrapped his arms around me, and kissed my cheek. “You’re not the odd one out. We might know how to work as a group, but we’re new to being in a relationship. We’re all going to make mistakes. Just like I should’ve told you about my seizures sooner. I’m sorry about that. Each day we’re together, we’re learning more and more about how to love and trust one another. It’s only going to get better with time. So, are you with us? No more running off?”
“Yes, I’m with you. I don’t want to be anywhere else. I love you guys.”
“We love you,” rang out around me, and I relaxed fully, my body catching up to the sleep deprivation and agony I’d put it through.
“Sleep. We’ll figure the rest out in the morning.”
With that, I closed my eyes as I settled back against the bed and vowed to be just as good at loving them as they were to me.
* * *
I hadno idea how long I’d been asleep when I woke up. The light had shifted in the room, but that didn’t mean anything since I had no clue what time it had been to start with. The bed was empty, the sheets cold next to me, so I sat up and pushed the covers off. My body ached, and I’d need to do some yoga to stretch before we headed to the job.
The job!
With Otto’s seizure and my vigil at his bedside and subsequent sleep, we would’ve missed our original time window. Sugar toast!
Jumping up, I raced out of the room and down the steps. I skidded to a halt in the living room as I took in my four guys laughing as they played some game on the TV.
“Cutie-pie! Flash Rueben for me so he crashes his car.”
I blinked, trying to connect his request and the fact we weren’t on the job. “Huh?”
A second later, Porter cursed as a crashing sound came from the TV, and he dropped his hands as he fell back onto the couch. Rueben smirked, chuckling as he kept his focus.
“Fucker,” Porter grumbled, punching Rueben in the arm. Now that his arms were free, he reached out and pulled me into his lap. The controller poked me in the leg, and I cringed, reaching down to pull it free. “How are you feeling, Cutie-pie?”
“Better.” My cheeks flushed as I recalled my earlier reaction. “I thought we had a job?” I bit my lip, hoping I hadn’t screwed it up.
“We rearranged some things and added a few nights to the rental. We’re going tonight if you’re up to it.”
I glanced at Otto, sitting on the other sofa with Phoenix. He turned at my stare, giving me a reassuring smile. “I’m fine, Little Bird. Promise.”
Sighing, I snuggled back into Porter’s arms. “Then let’s hunt us a bad guy. It’s time for Jerome to pay for his crimes.”
“Am I the only one who goes half-chub at her murderous ways?” Porter groaned.
The other guys said nothing, but if the casual shift they all did was any indication, then I’d say they agreed with Porter.
Huh. And here I thought my darkness would push them away.
Feeling fully accepted and like things were back on track, I watched them play the silly game as I planned all the ways I could use this new knowledge.