Page 55 of Tutor With Benefits

We head down to the car to go pick up Taylor. I know he’ll be grateful, and since the three of us are licking our wounds after what happened this past week, I’m actually looking forward to picking him up and having him join us as we whine about what’s happened.

It might not change anything, but at least we’re able to get it out in the open.

This is the first time in my life I have ever felt this level of pain from a breakup, so I figure anything that helps is a good thing. Even if it’s not helping much.

I just hope this doesn’t hurt forever.

Because right now, I just want to crawl into my bed, get drunk, and die. I miss Tori, I want her back.

And I wish there was a way to take back what we’ve done.

NINETEEN

TORI

“Hey, I’m glad you answered,” Anna’s voice comes through the phone.

“You caught me at a good time,” I tell her. “I just got back to the dorm after my last class for the day, and I’m probably going to go out with Johnny to see that new movie at the campus theater.”

She squeals through the phone so loud I have to hold it away from my ear. I smile. This is just the kind of enthusiasm and support I would expect to get from my roommate, so I’m really not surprised that she’s so thrilled about this for me.

I drop onto my bed and flip over onto my stomach, keeping the phone at my ear so I can keep talking to her as I look out the window over campus.

“I just can’t get over the fact you are actually dating him now,” she tells me. “Talk about a dream come true. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I knew when he finally pulled his head out of his ass and noticed you the rest would be history. But to hear you talk about going out with him as if it’s old news, I don’t know. It’s just amazing to me.”

“Thanks,” I tell her with a smile. I wish I felt as happy about this situation as she does. “I can’t believe it half the time, either. I mean, the way he just calls me, texts me whenever. It’s like he and I have been dating forever in the sense that he’s talking to me like he didn’t just notice me a week ago. But then, there’s another part of me that’s afraid this is some sort of dream I’m going to wake up from and find out it was all in my head to begin with.”

“Oh come on, don’t do that to yourself. You don’t want to jinx what you’ve got going on with him because you’re not used to being out there like this. You have been wanting this guy for as long as I can remember, so live it up! Have you had sex yet?” she asks.

I blush even though I’m the only one in the room. Leave it to my roommate to be so forward and blatant with her questions. But, she is still my best friend, so of course I’m not going to hold back when I tell her how things are going with this guy I’ve crushed on for years.

“Not yet,” I say.

“What?” she gasps. “I would have thought that would be like the first thing you would want to do with him. Are you holding out?”

“He strikes me as the kind of guy who wants to wait a bit to make sure he’s happy with things before we get in bed together,” I lie. “So I’m okay with taking it slow on that front. I mean, I don’t want to finally get with the guy of my dreams and then sleep with him just to find out that was the only thing he was after.”

“But you also don’t want to hold out on him and find out that he only wanted sex for like three months, either,” she says. “You know? Not that it makes it any better that he only wants to have sex, but that’s a waste of time on your end if that’s all he wants.”

“No, I get you,” I agree. “But like, if he is only wanting to have sex, then I want to make sure he has the time to know me before that happens. I don’t want to just throw myself at him and have him run.”

“Do you think he’s that kind of guy?” she asks.

“No,” I say, shaking my head despite the fact she can’t see me. “In fact, he seems to be just like I imagined him to be all this time. It’s crazy to me how he just fits into the mold I put him in. Also that makes me wonder why I waited so long to get up the balls to get him to notice me.”

“Well, with the way you’ve grown up, I wouldn’t expect anything else,” Anna says. “But I feel like I hear something in your tone. Are you telling me something without telling me something?”

I sigh.

“Uh-oh,” Anna says. “What is it?”

“Is there something wrong with me?” I ask.

“What do you mean?” she replies. “What’s going on?”

“I mean, you know I have wanted this guy for as long as you and I can remember. It’s been working on two years now. I was sure when I got with him—if I got with him—that I would be in utter happiness, like there wasn’t anything else I would want in life. I could go get my degree, live my life, and have the partner part of things all sorted out, you know?” I say.

“You realize you’ve only been seeing each other for about a week, right?” Anna asks with a laugh. “You don’t have to have the rest of your life figured out at this point.”