Page 58 of Tutor With Benefits
“Doubt it,” Zach says. “We weren’t up front when it happened, but we did ask her if she was alright the next day. It’s not like we really went back and talked about it after.”
“Should we apologize?” Cory asks. “Maybe tell her we didn’t mean it the way it happened?”
“What good would that do?” I ask. “She probably wouldn’t hear you for starters. I mean, she’s probably so far up Johnny’s ass at this point we might as well be chopped liver. I don’t think she’s even giving us a second thought these days.”
“As if she ever did,” Zach says. “You know, when we came up with the idea of helping her out for us to get through chemistry, I never considered the fact that we were the ones who were risking being used. Like, I’m not the guy who’s really ever used for anything. Kudos to her for being able to make me do something then to drop me like I’m hot.”
“That’s part of the thing I’m pissed off about,” Cory says. “The fact that she’s all but ghosted us since the day he asked her out to dinner. Like, I knew we weren’t going to keep up what we were doing, but I didn’t think she was going to just bounce like fuck you guys, I’m out.”
“What do you mean you didn’t think we were going to keep going?” I ask. “From what I remember, we agreed that we were going to keep up with the lessons until she had him hook, line, and sinker, and besides that, she was supposed to keep helping us out with chemistry, too.”
“Not like we need the help anymore,” Zach says. “We’re doing fine in that fucking class. It’s like not even Professor Hudson is getting joy out of calling on us to answer anymore because we have the answers for her most of the time.”
“Right,” Cory says. “I used to feel so smug when I got to show off, but now it’s just like we’re some of the best students in the class, so there’s no point to even trying.”
“Fuck it. I want to ask her if she’ll give us a lesson just for the sake of getting some of her time. It’s not like we have to have sex or anything, but I do want to know why she thinks it’s okay for her to just run off with him and leave us like we’re nothing,” I say, letting my anger continue to seethe through my tone.
“Did we ever make the agreement that we were going to be friends?” Zach asks.
“Did we have to?” I reply, snapping at him more than I mean to. “I mean, do you have to sign up and have some sort of a contract to be friends with someone these days? It’s not like I did that with either of you. We met, we hung out, we clicked, and we stuck together. I don’t recall anyone having to strike a deal or anything like that for us to be friends. Fuck.”
“He has a point,” Cory says. “It’s not like she didn’t also enjoy the time we had together, and I feel she at least owes us an apology.”
“For what?” Zach shoots back at us. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m hurt about how she did things, too, but you have to understand that she has every right to go off and do the shit she’s doing. It’s not like she’s doing anything she didn’t agree to. We told her we were going to help her get Johnny’s attention.”
“And damn, did she ever get it.” I roll my eyes.
Zach gives me a look, but says nothing. He knows there’s not much he can say right now that’s going to help with the situation. We are all hurting over what happened, and we are all angry with Tori for not at least talking to us about leaving.
But then, we do feel like we’re being needy and a little clingy when it comes to figuring out whether we ought to say something to her about this. Sure, she didn’t have to do anything after we finished with our tutoring sessions, and yes, we’re the ones who haven’t asked her to keep going with those. But why are we so easy for her to run off and forget about?
“She could apologize for just up and leaving like that. You know? We might be hockey players and shit, but that doesn’t mean we’re not also human. I don’t need her to apologize for the fact that we fell in love and she didn’t, but she could at least acknowledge that she just walked out on the friendship the four of us had with each other without so much as a glance over her shoulder,” Cory says as he takes a bite of a french fry.
“But then what do we do? Hunt her down and tell her that it hurt our feelings the way she just ended the friendship without saying goodbye?” Zach asks. “How is that not acting like we’re the biggest pussies on the planet? We’re the popular guys in school, or at least part of them—we don’t get lonely, we don’t have to go out and try to make friends. The cool kids come to us, remember? We’re the guys other guys wish they were. We’re the boyfriends that other guys’ girlfriends wish they were!”
“Okay, macho man, if that’s true, then why are the three of us here, crying into our cups of sodas like they’re beer?” I ask. “We might as well all be sitting around in a bar somewhere with our tears running down into our cups of whiskey as we listen to country songs.”
“I don’t know, I’m just pissed,” Cory says. “Did you see her in chemistry today?”
“What do you mean?” I ask. “I didn’t even look in her direction when she walked into the room. Why would I? It’s not like she’s going to do that eye contact and small smile thing she was doing when we were tutoring each other.”
“That’s what I wanted to point out,” Cory says. “I was watching the door for her because I figured that would be the one and only place where we might get her attention when there wasn’t a chance of Johnny walking in, but she was staring at her phone when she walked through the door.”
“Yup,” Zach says with a nod. “Stared at it right down the aisle to her seat, and continued to stare at it until the very moment when she had to put it back or the teacher was going to get pissed. Then afterward she was out the door faster than she ever used to be.”
“I did notice that part, but I was still not making eye contact with her,” I tell them. “Glad I wasn’t, too, if that’s how she was acting about it. The fact that she would be ignoring me at this point would just piss me off even more than I am right now, and that would leave me wondering if I should say something to her. And if I felt she was actually avoiding me, you know I would.”
“But what?” Zach asks.
“You know me. It wouldn’t be subtle. I would wait until we were somewhere where that jackass was with her and yell out that it was funny she was all over me one minute, then the next she’s all over the next guy as if I was nothing. You know, something that would embarrass her,” I say.
“It’s so weird how we go from wanting to be the ones who step up and rescue her from embarrassing herself, to the point that we want to be the ones to openly embarrass her now,” Cory says with a short laugh.
“That’s how you know it’s real love,” Zach says. “That’s how you know this isn’t us being upset that we lost someone who was really good in bed and up for being with all three of us. Sure, it has crossed my mind that I’m just upset that we lost someone who was able to be with us three at the same time, but I genuinely think that it’s more than that. I think that this is us actually dealing with heartbreak right now.”
“You go from loving to hating to loving to hating back and forth all day long,” I say with a shake of my head. “And I don’t like it. Life was so much easier when she was just doing her thing with us, and all that she did revolved around what we were doing and making sure we were happy with it and all that shit. I really hate that we’ve all but disappeared in her mind now.”
“Same.”