Page 75 of Tutor With Benefits
“No, you just wanted us to be here to tell you that you’re pretty and you’re worth it when he’s too stupid to remember that you were a wallflower before,” Zach says. “You just say what you think we want to hear, just like you do with Johnny. So when you’re in the mood to have sex with us, you come here, but when you think that you want to be with the guy you’ve built up in your mind then you can go back to him. As long as you keep us all dangling in the air and guessing where we stand with you, then you can do what you want and not have to worry about commitment or making any real decisions!”
“You’re going to have to stop this right now!” Tori shouts. “I don’t think of you that way, and you know it! I didn’t say that you’re the ones who are at fault and I didn’t do anything, I’m just saying that I’m not going to take the blame for you falling in love with me and getting mad at me when I’m just doing what you were trying to help me do in the first place!”
“So where do you see us?” I ask, cutting into the conversation now. “If you just care for him as friends, but you’re still going to kiss him and tell him that you want to hang out and shit, where do you see us?”
“I love you,” Tori says. “I told you that the other day. I told you when we were having sex that I love you, and I mean it.”
“But are you in love with us?” Taylor asks. “Because I’m sure you tell Johnny you love him, too. In fact, you think that you have loved him for over a year. You can call it a crush when it’s convenient, but where does that kind of love fall compared to what you say you feel for us? It seems to me that it’s really hard to know where you stand with any of us. It’s like you just want to love everyone and not have to commit to anyone.”
“Excuse me for not having this all figured out sooner!” she snaps at us. “You realize that you are the first boyfriends that I have ever had, and more than that, I have three of you! I went from being too scared to talk to anyone outside of my very small group of friends to having three boyfriends, and that was you guys! I don’t know how you can all come at me now and say that I don’t love you or that I’m only saying things to get my way. It’s not fair.”
“What’s not fair is that you’re trying to do this both ways, and none of us are happy with it. I don’t know how you can just be so smug about this and act like it doesn’t affect anyone but you, but we’re done,” Zach says.
“What do you mean you’re done?” Tori snaps.
“I mean we’re breaking up with you,” Zach replies.
“You can’t do that,” Tori says. “You’re just one of four in this relationship, Zach, and you can’t tell me that all three of you are breaking up with me over this. If we can just talk about it and you let me explain, then I can tell you how I really feel! I don’t know how many times you want me to say that I love you before you believe it, but that’s the truth, and I’m not just saying it. I love each and every one of you!”
“Actually, Zach’s right,” Taylor says. “I don’t want to be your boyfriend when you’re still messing around with Johnny. You can go off and do what you do with him, but I’m not going to just sit around and wait for you to be tired of it or for him to hurt your feelings. If you are going to be with us, then you have to be with us. If you’re not going to make that commitment, then I’m with Zach, and I’m breaking up with you, too.”
“I can’t believe this,” Tori says. “Cory. You have to have some sort of understanding of where I am, don’t you? Haven’t you ever been caught between two things you love before?”
“I was at one point,” I tell her. “But those two things weren’t people. One of them was you, and the other was hockey. And you know what? I would have given up hockey at that point to be with you. But I realize now that hockey isn’t going to decide one day to be with someone else and just leave me hanging. I think Zach and Taylor are right. And if you want to say that this is our fault for falling for you, then fine, you can go off and say that we’re the fools for doing that. But I’m not going to keep waiting around for you to make up your mind, either.”
“I think it’s time for you to go,” Zach tells her. “I’m ordering you an Uber to take you back to your dorm right now, and we can just leave it at that.”
“You aren’t being fair,” Tori says again. “I have tried to tell you again and again how much I love you, I don’t know how you think I’m being two-faced in this!”
“You can say that you love us a thousand times, but we want you to show us that you love us, and that means being committed to us. You’re not stupid, Tori,” I say. “You know what it means to be in a relationship, and I don’t think we could be any clearer about what we want from this.”
Tori is about to reply, but Zach cuts her off before she has the chance to argue with us further.
“Your Uber is pulling up outside, so you need to go now,” he says. He walks over to the door and pulls it open, sweeping his arm for her to walk out. She looks to me first, then to Taylor, but we both fold our arms over our chests and make it clear that we feel the same way Zach does.
“It’s time for you to go,” Taylor says.
I nod, saying nothing.
Tori hesitates for only a second longer, but she seems to understand that we aren’t messing around with her in this. It kills me to watch her shake her head and walk over to the counter to grab her purse, and I hate seeing her walk through the door and disappear into the hallway.
Zach slams the door behind her, then wipes his hands together as though he’s getting rid of dust.
“That’s the end of that,” he says. “I’m going to bed.”
He heads straight to his room and closes the door, and both Taylor and I do the same. There’s nothing for us to talk about at this point. We have said it all. And after having that conversation with Tori, we’re all on the same page.
I lay in bed and stare up at the ceiling, unsure of what I feel.
I’m hurt. I’m angry, but I’m also numb.
I’m sure she’s my first true love, and she just walked out that door.
We told her to, but I feel that she walked out on us before tonight. We just called her out on it and made her make that choice. I know she told us she’s just friends with Johnny, but I’m not sure I believe her on that front. She admitted to kissing him, and she hasn’t told him the truth about where she stands with him.
So that leaves me to think that she isn’t done with him entirely.
She’s keeping him on the hook as much as she’s keeping us on the hook. She wants to have both worlds.