Page 51 of Let Me Love You

“It’s fine,” Ash lies. She looks less than comfortable as she motions to Jax on the table. “He’s adorable.”

“Yeah,” Eleanor replies, accepting Ashlyn’s compliment without hesitation.

I glance at Eleanor again, and she smiles when our eyes meet. “He got his good looks from his daddy.”

Daddy.

Fuck.

Nausea rolls through me, and my stomach clenches, but I ignore it as a sharp knock on the door interrupts us. The door opens, revealing a young guy in black scrubs. He must be the lab technician Ali mentioned.

Or the coroner, since I’m pretty sure I’ve died, yet I can’t decide if this is heaven or hell.

I always wanted to be a dad.

No, that’s not true.

I wanted to be a dad until I lost mine. At the time, I vowed to stay single for the rest of my life, enduring the time I’d been given for as long as I had to until I could be put out of my misery.

Then, I transferred to LAU, where I met Ashlyn. And everything changed.

I knew she’d be a good mom. A great one, actually. She’s patient. Kind. Generous. And she wanted kids. Damn if I was gonna be the one to stop her. And honestly, I don’t want to. I knew if I ever had kids in this life, they’d belong to her. And we’d raise them together. In whatever dream home Ashlyn could create in her imagination. I’d build it for her. And we’d live happily ever after. Me and my Sunshine. Just like we both want.

My eyes flick to Jaxon in his seat again, tearing my future to shreds. But I don’t fault him for it.

He’s an innocent little kid.

A cute one too.

I scrub my hand over my face and try to focus on Ali’s instructions, though I’m shit at accomplishing it.

“Thanks for squeezing us in with such short notice,” Ali greets the lab technician when he enters the room.

“No problem. Let’s get started.”

The guy runs through everything, but again, I’m too distracted to pay attention. I feel like I’m watching the entire situation unfold from a distance. Like I’m not really here. Like this isn’t happening to me. Like I’m removed from the whole thing and can only mutter,poor sonofabitch,to the bastard on screen whose life is being turned upside down.

“And you’ve opted for the cheek swab?” Ali confirms with Eleanor, interrupting the lab technician as she jots something else down on her iPad. The bright yellow case is a stark contrast to the emotions filtering through the room, but even its cheery color isn’t enough to lift the melancholy hanging in the air.

I stare at the textured surface, lightheaded and dizzy, while I catch Eleanor nodding at Ali in my periphery. “Yes. If it’s what they recommend, a cheek swab is fine. Thank you.”

“Of course. Go ahead,” Ali urges the technician.

His nitrile gloves snap into place while Eleanor pops the binkie out of the kid’s mouth. Jaxon doesn’t care until it’s replaced with a cotton swab. His little forehead wrinkles, and his nose scrunches as he fights with the lab tech, trying to push his hand away. The pads of my fingers dig into the hard wood surface of the table, but I keep them in place. I want to tell him to stop. Clearly, the kid doesn’t like it. But I don’t. I sit here. Watching. Waiting. Feeling like I’m in the Twilight Zone. Because why the hell should I care if Jaxon doesn’t like it? If he’s uncomfortable? It’s like some fatherly instinct has already been tapped, and I don’t know how to turn it off.

The lab technician chuckles at Jaxon’s scrunched face and slips the tip of the swab back into a little sanitized tube once he’s finished torturing the little dude. Then, he turns to me. “Have you eaten or had anything to drink in the last eight hours?”

Ali had already told me what to expect from today, so I shake my head. “No.”

“Good. Can you confirm your birthday and full name for me?”

I rattle off the information as he reads the label on the tube identical to Jaxon’s.

Satisfied, the lab tech lifts a long cotton swab into the air. “Open wide.”

I open my mouth. He drags the cotton against my cheek and slips it into the labeled tube. Once he’s finished, he tells us we should have the results within three to six weeks and disappears through the door.

“All right,” Ali announces. “If you’ll sign here, Eleanor.” She hands Eleanor the iPad, and Ellie scribbles on the screen.