Page 53 of Let Me Love You
“I’m glad, Colt.” Eleanor smiles at me again, but it doesn’t reach her large brown eyes. “You were in such a dark place back then, and now…” Her voice trails off, and she looks down at her lap. “You seem really happy.”
I stay quiet. Unsure what she wants me to say. Like I said to her, I am happy. Or I was until she reached out to me. But it isn’t her fault. I know it’s not. And I’m not one to run from my responsibilities. Not anymore. Ash taught me this. But fuck, this particular responsibility comes with a shit-ton of baggage, and I’m not sure how to carry it all.
I glance at Ash beside me as Jaxon flaps his little arms. She’s been so quiet. A spectator. She’s chewing on the inside of her cheek, but I can feel her nervous energy. Her turmoil. The way she’s been knocked off-kilter by this entire ordeal and doesn’t know how to handle it. The distance scares me. The way she’s pulling away, even while she sits right beside me. I can feel it. The indecision. The fear. Like she doesn’t want to intrude. Like she’s afraid she’s interrupting something or some shit.
“Do you mind if Ash holds him?” I ask Eleanor.
“Oh. Um, sure? Of course, I don’t mind,” Eleanor replies, but Ash stands up, her chair legs scraping against the linoleum floor.
“I actually need to use the restroom. I’ll be back in a minute.”
Eleanor watches her leave. The quiet click of the door cuts through the silence in the room as I set Jaxon on my knee and bounce him softly.
Ali shifts in her seat, as uncomfortable as the rest of us. But she doesn’t leave. Not sure if she can or if it’s against the rules to allow her client to be alone with the defendant, if that’s what I am, anyway. But her attention shifts from me to Eleanor to the closed door. Meanwhile, the tension swirls in the air around us, growing thicker and thicker with every passing second.
“Did I say something wrong?” Eleanor finally breaks the silence.
I shake my head. “It’s a lot to adjust to.”
Her nod is soft. “Yeah. Especially for your fiancée. I can’t imagine ever falling in love with a guy only to find out he had a child with someone else.”
And fuck, if it isn’t the truth.
I might not have signed up for this, but these are the consequences of my actions.Mine.And I’ll own up to them because it’s my responsibility. But Ash? There’s nothing tying her to this mess but me.
And the question is… Am I enough?
“I should probably get going,” I mutter.
“Of course.” Eleanor rounds the edge of the table, and I stand up, unsure what to do or say.
With another toothy grin, Jaxon reaches for his mom with his chubby little arms as soon as he sees her. Eleanor laughs, making silly faces at Jaxon while I shift my weight from one foot to the other, smiling at their interaction.
At least I didn’t have a kid with a monster. And clearly, Jaxon’s loved more than anything else in the world.
Eleanor takes him from me and puts him back in his car seat as I wait for Ash to return. Once Jaxon is safely tucked away, Eleanor pulls me into a side hug and looks up at me.
“I am sorry, Colt. For everything. I know I should’ve told you I was married. I know I should’ve told you about the pregnancy and everything. I’ve screwed up so much…”
I pull her into a full hug, her sorrow polluting the air around us. “We’ve all fucked up, Ellie. But you’re a great mom. Jaxon’s lucky to have you.”
She sniffles and pulls away. “Thanks. Debatable,” she clarifies. “But thanks. And I’m happy for you and Ashlyn. She seems very sweet.”
“She’s the sweetest,” I say with a smile, letting Eleanor go. “I’ll talk to you later?”
“Sure. And I’m sure Ali will keep you up-to-date on everything too.”
“I will,” Ali confirms. She slides her iPad into her bag.
“So, I’ll see you in three to six weeks?” I offer.
Eleanor turns to Ali for confirmation, and she nods.
“Three to six weeks, it is,” Eleanor repeats. “Do you want to see Jaxon before then? Or would it be too weird?”
I gulp, my indecision tearing me in two as Jaxon’s wide eyes look around the sterile room.
It’s such a simple question, but the answer is more complicated than I can even grasp.