Page 62 of Let Me Love You
But it feels weird.
Shopping for a pretty dress.
Getting ready.
Doing my makeup.
Matching my heels to the champagne-colored fabric of my gown.
Buchanan’s secretary insisted the event required formal attire, and I’ve never felt less like myself than at this moment.
I run my fingers along the silky fabric as a shadow flashes in the mirror.
Colt’s resting his shoulder against the bathroom doorjamb, watching me.
“I like your dress, Sunshine,” he murmurs.
His words hit like a ton of bricks, but I force a smile and look back at the fabric stretched along my curves, unsure what to do with my hands.
“I remember the first time I saw you.” He shoves away from the doorjamb and stalks closer to me. His touch is gentle as he runs his fingers along my bare arms and pushes my wavy hair over one shoulder. “You were wearing a gray T-shirt and were messing with the radio or something.”
“I was fiddling with the heater.”
“Of course you were.” He chuckles, watching my skin pebble beneath his touch. “I’d just gotten off the phone with my mom. She’d been begging me to sit down with Coach Sanderson for a chat. I snapped at her.” His eyes hold mine in the mirror. “I didn’t want anything to do with hockey. Didn’t want the reminder of my dad and all the good times we’d had together. He taught me how to skate. How to hold a stick. How to do everything. She told me he’d want me to be happy, but I hung up on her. Because I didn’t think I deserved happiness after I was the one behind the wheel when he died. And I felt like shit as soon as I hung up because”—he shrugs one shoulder—“you know my mom.”
“She’s the sweetest person on the planet,” I admit. And she is. Becca Thorne has been more of a mother to me in the past year and a half since I started seeing Colt than my own mom was during my entire childhood. She even sends me daily texts to see how I’m doing and if she needs to smack her son upside the head for anything. The thought makes my chest hurt.
“I’d been a dick to her,” Colt continues. “I felt so low, Ash. But I was used to the darkness hanging over me. I was so numb I barely felt anything. Even the guilt from hanging up on my mom was nothing compared to the guilt I carried for disappointing her every single day after my dad’s death or the guilt for his accident in the first place.” He shakes his head as if fighting off the memory. “And then, what do you know? I look up and see the most beautiful girl in the car beside me. A girl who looked like the perfect distraction. A girl who looked like she could take the weight from my shoulders even if it was only for a little while.” He tucks my hair behind my ear, then turns me to face him fully and lets his hands rest against my lower back. “And you have. You’ve taken the weight, Sunshine. And here you are, continuing to take it.”
My chest squeezes. Because the weight he’s talking about? It’s so damn heavy I feel like it could crush me entirely. But I wouldn’t go back and change it. Not for anything. No matter how cumbersome it is.
“But I gotta confess something, Sunshine,” he continues.
“What?”
“You were a pretty shitty distraction, making me face my demons and shit.”
I laugh and shake my head. “I’d say I’m sorry, but…”
His thumb skates across my lips, quieting me. “Don’t you dare. You’re good at shining a light on scenarios, Ash. Good at making me see things from different perspectives. But I think it’s my turn.” He swallows thickly and drags his thumb against my cheek. The rough calluses tickle my skin, but I stay rooted to the spot. “Look at this frommyperspective, Sunshine. The girl of my dreams is standing in front of me, looking sad. And all I want to do is make her feel better. Make her happy. I know my hands are tied. Words aren’t enough to prove how much I love you. But I’m afraid my actions wouldn’t be taken seriously right now if I got down on one knee and tied you to me forever. So what do I do? How do I make this better?”
“Not sure if you can,” I admit. “Not until we get the results from the paternity test.”
“The results shouldn’t matter.”
“The unknown is killing me, Colt,” I murmur.
He nods. “I get it. But since it’s out of my control, maybe I can distract you for a night. How does that sound?”
“Sounds pretty perfect,” I reply.
His smile tugs at my heart as he leans closer and presses his lips against mine. I savor the taste. The feel of his lips. The softness. The way they make me feel. The comfort something so innocent brings. I want to wrap myself up in him and never leave this room. I want to block the outside world and keep him to myself. Away from the drama and his ugly past and our unknown future.
“You really do look beautiful.” The words skate across my lips as he pulls away, causing me to smile while reminding me of our history. Of how we wound up together in the first place. Of how he promised he’d always notice me. How he’s always made me feel worth noticing.
“You always say that,” I murmur.
“Because it’s always true. And your dress?” He whistles, taking a step back, grabbing my hand, and twirling me around. “Damn, Sunshine. Pretty sure I won’t be able to take my eyes off you.” My heart pitter-patters away at his simple compliment and how it makes me feel. Like I’m worthy. Like I deserve the world. Like we can get through this.