Page 84 of Rule Number Five

Alex shook his head, his hands landing on my shoulders, shaking me. His voice was low and serious. “You could never bejust a fan. Never. You’ve got to know that. He would give you anything.”

Alex stepped back, a small smile on his face breaking the intensity of the moment. “Now, where’s Mia? I’m assuming she came with you” Alex’s eyes roamed the alley, searching for where she hid.

Sadness filled my voice, knowing I was breaking a part of him. “She didn’t come.”

Mia had watched me get ready but refused to go anywhere near them.

Alex’s smile faltered, and he shook his head, taking a deep breath in as he stared through me, nodding once, twice, his body rigid, before throwing his coffee against the wall. I jumped back from the spray, and Alex looked at me, shocked, like he’d forgotten I was there.

“Shit, sorry.” He looked around one last time, then wrapped me in a bear hug, lifting me off my feet. “I hope this isn’t goodbye but see you later.”

He took off toward his house, and I looked for Jax one last time, but he was gone. Tears stung my eyes, and my hands curled at my sides. I said the words one last time. “I love you.”

Turning away, I didn’t look back at the dream I could’ve had.

THIRTY-FIVE

TWO WEEKS LATER

JAX

I shotthe puck and watched it slide between the goalie’s legs, and the crowd erupted with the winning goal. Erikson, the starting forward for Boston, tapped the top of my helmet. “Good job, kid.”

Pride filled my chest, and I looked around the rink, looking for someone I already knew wouldn’t be there. Pain radiated from my heart, and I had to tamp it down. I’d buried everything to do with her since she’d ended it, putting up a wall of ice to stop myself from falling apart.

Everyone was talking a mile a minute in the dressing room. I tried to keep my dark mood to myself, but I could tell that I was sucking the life out of the celebration. I quickly changed and headed back to the place I shared with the guys. It wasn’t much different from our old house.

“Hey, man.” Lucas beat me home and was already whispering on his phone. “I love you too. Can’t wait to see you next weekend. I booked us a hotel.”

A sharp pain went through me as I pictured calling Sid after a game and telling her all about it. Why the hell wouldn’t she give it a chance? I deserved a shot at this. We could’ve made it work.

Lucas hung up the phone and turned toward me. “Listen, man, I know you do your own thing and don’t want anyone else’s opinion, but this thing between you and Sidney. It was real. You looked at her the way I look at Piper.”

“She broke it off.” I couldn’t help the growl of frustration from entering my voice.

“Yeah, but have you done anything different? You’re so caught up in her not wanting to wait around for you, but did you ever consider sacrificing for her?”

“Like quitting the team? Does it really have to be all or nothing?”

“Nah, man, I don’t mean quitting the team.” He shook his head as if he didn’t know what to do with me. “Show her she matters, that it isn’t only about your career. That she’ll always come first.” He ran his hand through his hair in exasperation. “Listen, man, these girls make hella sacrifices. They’ve got to put their trust in us, even when our jobs are full of temptations. They literally hang their hearts out, and you aren’t giving her any reason to believe you won’t crush it.” He blew out a long breath.

“I told her I love her, and she left me anyway.”

“Was that before or after you forgot to pick her up?” His voice was so sharp he practically hissed at me.

“It was a mistake.” I left him standing there, still glaring at me.

As I lay in my bed later that night, Lucas’s words streamed through my head, and anger rolled over me in waves. Fuck him for saying I hadn’t done enough. I’d laid myself bare, told her I loved her. She didn’t want it. I closed my eyes but, I couldn’t help but pull her picture up as I fell asleep. I typed a text but stopped. Who was I kidding? This was what she wanted. I needed to get over her.

SIDNEY

Banging on my bedroom door had me jumping out of bed. Mia popped her head inside. “Sidney, it’s graduation day. Pull yourself together, and let’s do this.” Her voice was full of forced peppiness, but her eyes were full of concern. It’d been weeks since I’d seen Jax, and that constant ache hadn’t lifted.

I barely left my room, and when I had, it’d been to eat ice cream and binge on shitty reality TV. There was a void in my chest, and I’d put it there. Every part of me said that getting involved with Jax was a bad idea, but the force that had brought us together was stronger than I had ever been. It was naïve to think that feelings wouldn’t get involved. In my attempt to avoid being brokenhearted, I’d shattered myself. Doubt crept in from the first moment. How could something that I needed hurt so badly?

Ending things had to be the hardest thing I would ever do. One day, I would look back on this and know that it had to happen. Probably while chasing after my kids as my husband made dinner. I wanted a father for my kids who was going to be there for them. Growing up with an absent dad who traveled for a normal job was hard, but hockey players spend six months or more on the road.

I knew all the rational reasons I’d had to end it. I’d played them on repeat since that night weeks ago, when he’d held me until I had calmed after I imploded our relationship.