Page 61 of Out of Reach

Clearing his throat, Hawk said, “I’m sorry. I mean…” He shook his head, remembering he wasn’t supposed to keep apologizing.

“You can apologize for things you donow,just not for the past,” Jude said, tweaking Hawk’s nipple through his shirt.

“I kind of blanked out when you said you’d been thinking,” Hawk admitted.

Rising up on his elbow, Jude looked at him. “Not about anything bad. I’ve been thinking that I don’t want to go back to modeling, and not because of Sam. I just don’t enjoy it like I thought I would.” He settled back against Hawk’s chest.

Feeling like a huge weight had been lifted, Hawk was able to breathe again. “Okay. Is there anything in particular you want to do?”

“I don’t know. That kind of depends.”

“On what?”

“On what’s going on with you and me.”

“Oh.” Lazily running his fingers up and down Jude’s spine, Hawk nuzzled Jude’s head. He’d washed his hair—it smelled like the shampoo in the locker room.

Now was Hawk’s chance. “That’s what I want to talk to you about.”

It was Jude’s turn to stiffen against him, but Hawk was too preoccupied to think about it.

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking,” he said.

Jude rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. Did that mean he didn’t want to hear what Hawk had to say?

Nervous, Hawk continued, “You know how much I regret the past.”

Watching his face, Hawk immediately saw the frown tug at Jude’s mouth.

“I thought we agreed we’re done with the apologies,” Jude said.

“I’m not going to apologize.” Butterflies bursting forth in his stomach, he hesitated.

“Just say it, Hawk,” Jude said, voice neutral and hardly encouraging.

“Please look at me,” Hawk said.

Jude bit his bottom lip, reluctantly turning to face Hawk where he leaned against the pillows. Hawk was surprised to see tears standing in his dark eyes.

Dismayed, he asked,“Why are you crying?”

When Jude’s lips wobbled, Hawk pulled him into his arms.

“I don’t want to hear this,” Jude murmured.

Hawk’s stomach took a dive only to rise again when Jude continued, “I don’t want to hear you say you don’t want me.”

“No,” Hawk said, squeezing him close. “No, no, no. What I wanted to say at the club but couldn’t because it was so loud and crowded was …I love you, Jude. I love you so much. I don’t want you to leave me, but if you don’t feel anything for me anymore, I’m not going to try to stop you from living your life.”

“I don’t want to leave you,” Jude said, voice clogged with tears. “I don’t ever want to leave you. I love you. I’ve always loved you.” He began to cry in earnest.

Although part of him hated that Jude was crying again, like a high tide, happiness washed over Hawk, smoothing out the worries that had hounded him the past few weeks and taking them out to sea.

“Look at me,” he said. When Jude raised his head, Hawk kissed away the tears that spilled from his eyes, tasting salt on his lips.

“Are you sure?” Jude asked when their lips parted. “Maybe what you’re feeling is nostalgia…”

“I’m sure, Jude.” Hawk kissed him again, long and deeply enough to end Jude’s worried questioning.