Page 60 of Out of Reach

“I forgive you, Hawk. Okay? I was immature and should have done things differently, too. Let’s leave it and start fresh.”

Something that looked a lot like hope kindled in Hawk’s eyes, and Jude had the fleeting thought that he might be making a very big mistake.

But he didn’t think he was.

Hawk hugged Jude tightly. Hiding his face in Hawk’s shoulder, Jude couldn’t hold back the sobs.

“Hey.” Hawk stroked Jude’s hair. “Don’t cry, baby.” He tried to pull back so he could see Jude’s face, but Jude held onto him tighter. Tears wetting the front of Hawk’s shirt, he revelled in the feeling of being held by the man he’d never stopped loving, no matter how hard he had tried.

Hawk rocked Jude back and forth until Jude quieted and released his death grip on Hawk’s back. Tipping Jude’s chin with his finger, Hawk looked into his eyes.

“You okay? I didn’t mean to make you sad,” Hawk said.

“I know,” Jude choked out. “And thanks for apologizing. It means a lot to me. But I meant what I said—no more apologies about the past.”

“Okay. But would you tell me why you’re crying?” Hawk asked.

Jude’s lower lip trembled. “It’s just that—I loved you so much back then. So damn much.” His face crumpled as more tears began to flow. “It would have meant everything for me to hear you say it back then. I n-never would have left.”

Hawk hugged him so hard, it hurt. But Jude welcomed the ache, clutching at him just as fervently.

“I wish I had said it,” Hawk mumbled brokenly into Jude’s hair. “I was too stupid to know what I was doing or how I felt. I’d give fucking anything to turn back time and do it all the right way.”

They stood there in the back alley for several long minutes, the muted, frantic beat of the music the only sound other than their breathing until the jarring and very distinct yowl of a cat in heat made Jude lift his head from Hawk’s shoulder.

Wiping his own eyes, Hawk took a deep breath, then offered Jude his hand. “Want to go back inside?”

Jude just couldn’t. He was wrung out. Plus, suddenly the shadows around them appeared sinister. “I want to go home. To the mansion,” he clarified.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. If that’s okay with you.”

“I only came to be with you,” Hawk said.

Jude smiled. “I’ll text the others that we’re headed home.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

Hawk

Twenty minutes later, Hawk and Jude entered an unusually quiet house. No cars were parked in the driveway, which meant that everyone had gone out, either to the club or somewhere else. Jude had seemed subdued on the ride home, but he smiled at Hawk now.

Getting a couple of bottles of water for them out of the refrigerator, Hawk suggested they go down to Jude’s room and talk.

“Okay, but first I need to change. I smell like beer and sweat,” Jude said.

“I’ll shower upstairs and meet you down there.” Hawk handed Jude his water and jogged upstairs while Jude headed downstairs.

Fifteen minutes later, both men freshly showered, Hawk and Jude settled onto Jude’s bed.

Jude had changed into cotton shorts and a white tee. Hawk wore sweatpants and a Carolina Panthers shirt. They didn’t turn on the television—Hawk had things he needed to say.

With Jude lying against his chest, their legs entwined, Hawk thought about how he’d begin. But before he could, Jude said, “I’ve been thinking.”

Immediately, Hawk’s stomach twisted into a knot as he wondered what Jude was going to say. That he was leaving? That they were no good for each other? That they should just be friends?

“Hawk.” Jude shook Hawk’s arm. “You aren’t listening.”