Page 75 of Out of Reach

CHAPTER FORTY-THREE

Jude

Hawk’s hometown was small and full of red brick buildings, hundred-year-old trees, and churches with spires that gleamed in the summer sunlight. Lake Michigan was less than a forty-minute drive away, and Hawk told Jude about summer trips to the beach spent with his family. It sounded as though they were close and made Jude doubly sorry about the tragedy that changed their lives forever.

He saw the aquarium that Hawk’s class had been going to the day of the tragedy and was surprised when Hawk wanted to park and walk the same street where his brother had died. Jude carefully watched his expression, but the only time Hawk seemed to lose his cool was when he’d seen that the cafe where he’d sat and waited for his parents when he was a kid was no longer there, having been replaced by a shoe store.

The house they’d lived in was small and unassuming on a street with dozens of similar houses in what looked to be a pleasant family neighborhood. According to Hawk, not much had changed since he’d lived there. He seemed lost in thought as he leaned against the car and stared off at the park down the street where he said he and his brother had played every day after school.

“I’m sorry,” he said when he’d snapped out of it. “This can’t be very enjoyable for you.”

“Sure, it is. I like that I’ll be able to picture this place when you talk about it.”

Hawk took my hand. “What do you say that after we visit the cemetery we drive to the beach before heading back to Grand Rapids?”

Jude smiled. “I’d like that.”

Hawk bought a beautiful bouquet of yellow roses at a nearby florist, and they headed up the winding drive to the county cemetery. It was lovely situated up on a hill with a view of the town. Hawk had had to get specific directions from his sister to find the plot, as he hadn’t been there in many years. Hawk stopped the car and they walked to the plot where his grandparents and brother were buried. Jude’s heart tore to see the small photograph of the little boy embedded in the stone, especially knowing that Hawk looked much the same at that age.

Hawk set the bouquet against the head stone and stood back.

“Do you want some time by yourself?” Jude asked. “I could wander over there and look at those old graves…”

Taking Jude’s hand, Hawk smiled sadly. “No. Stay with me, please.”

They stood looking down at the small grave. After a few minutes, Jude glanced over and saw tears running down Hawk’s face.

Pulling Hawk into his arms, he hugged him tightly while Hawk’s body shook with sobs.

“I just keep thinking about how different things would be if that hadn’t happened. What might have Hart become? Would we still be close?”

“I’m sure you’d be close,” Jude said, stroking Hawk’s hair.

“I’m so angry that he was taken from me. From all of us. And I feel so bad about every mean thing I ever said or did to him, even though I know he said and did similar things to me, and I don’t even remember them. We were just kids.” He sniffed. “Therapy helped, but being here now…it’s all just a lot. You know?”

“I understand, Hawk. I really do. I don’t remember my parents. I’m pretty sure my dad left my mom before she died. But I get that feeling of irreversible loss.”

“I know you do,” Hawk said. “Thanks for being here with me.”

“There’s no place I’d rather be.” Jude meant that, with every fiber of his being.

Wiping his eyes, Hawk looked at the grave. “I’ll see you again one day, Hart,” he said. “Rest easy.”

In the car, Jude fought the melancholy settling over him. He didn’t want to think of Hawk being gone someday. He’d just gotten him back. It was silly and childish, but he couldn’t help the way he felt. But by the time they hit the highway, the blue sky and beautiful day had cheered him, and Hawk seemed in better spirits, too. They stopped at a little Mom and Pop place for lunch that had surprisingly good food. Jude’s burger had been cooked perfectly. They hit the road again, and it wasn’t long until they were at the beach.

They walked barefoot on sand that felt like sugar beneath Jude’s feet, different from the sand in Redding. Even though Jude had also grown up close to Lake Michigan, he’d never been there. The foster families he’d lived with had never taken him, and when he was older, he didn’t have a car or the money to spend to get there.

“It’s beautiful here,” Jude said.

Hawk’s phone chimed with a notification, and he fished it out of his pocket. “Mom said she decided to cook something instead of going out. She wants to know approximately when we’ll be back.”

They’d been there over an hour, and it wasn’t like they didn’t live on a beach. “Tell her we’re leaving now,” Jude said.

Hawk sent the text, and they turned and walked to the parking area.

The sun was low in the sky when they arrived back at Hawk’s parents’ house. Jude left Hawk talking to his parents in the living room while he went upstairs to freshen up. He took a shower and was changing when Hawk came upstairs.

“You okay?” Jude asked, seeing that Hawk’s eyes were rimmed in red.