Page 93 of Because of Blake
“It’s almost the end of March, and next month is–”
“Syd.” I hold my hand up to her. “I know where you’re going with this, and I promise I’ll do better.”
“You said the same thing last year, too.”
Ouch.“Okay, but last year was different. I’ve adjusted to working part-time, we have a new house–”
“We had the house last year.”
I grit my teeth. “Yes, but it was still an adjustment. We hadn’t been in the house a full year and I was still having all kinds of problems with it. I was stressed about you two going to new schools, and the new neighborhood. It was a lot, even if it had been nine months.” I take a breath, relaxing my jaw. “Plus, I have Blake to distract me now.”
“Yeah, why didn’t you invite him to California?”
Indignation flares in me. “I really thought I had, sweetheart. And, furthermore, Blake doesn’t have to be in on everything we do. He and I aren’t attached at the hip.” My words are tight.
“Geez, Mom. Okay. I just thought it was weird you didn’t bring him.”
I sigh, flopping against the chair back. “Sorry, but I don’t know why it’s such a big deal for Blake not to come with us.”
“Because he’s basically a part of us, Mom.”
I whip my head over to look at my daughter in utter confusion. “What?”
“Blake is, and has been, around during all our big moments. Holidays. Birthdays. He even gave me a congratulations card when I got my GPA back up. He’s trying real hard to be a dad.”
My heart leaps into my throat. Dad?She thinks he wants to be their dad? Does he? I shake my head and tuck the thought away for later.
“And I don’t want you to go all AWOL and shut him out with the rest of the world when you-know-what happens.”
“Sydney, I won’t do that. I told you I’ll do better.”
“Maybe you should call your doctor. You know, just in case.”
I gape at her. “I haven’t seen my therapist since we moved, and things have been fine. Like you said, it’s almost the end of March and I’m happy. I don’t need therapy anymore.”
“Okay, but it could help you get through the next couple months without having to hibernate. You know Blake will have questions, and that always ticks you off.”
“Even if I have to disappear for a while, which I won’t, it’ll be okay. Blake understands.”
“Yeah, when you tell him what’s going on. Does he even know about Dad’s birthday?”
“No, he doesn’t. And he doesn’t need to.” I glance at Dylan in the pool, alone. “Everything will be different this year. You’ll see.” I lie back and close my eyes. “Now, go swim with your brother.”
“Okay, Mom. Whatever you say.”
Sydney takes her leave of me, and I’m left to wonder, is she right?Does she know me better than I know myself?I shake my head. No. Things will be different this year. I’ve made it this far without my therapist and without having a nervous breakdown. I haven’t even had a nightmare in almost a year.I’ll show everyone I’m not some frail flower who crumbles under the weight of emotion. I’ll be fine.
Blake picks us up at the airport. As soon as I see him, the butterflies flutter through me. I told Sydney there was nothing to worry about.
After greeting me with a kiss and a couple high fives for Dylan, Blake throws our bags into the back of his truck, securing them with bungee cords, and climbs into the driver’s seat. “Everyone buckled?” We all nod. “Okay, let’s get you guys home.”
The entire drive, Dylan does most of the talking. Sydney chimes in a few times, but only when prompted. I sit silently, content to look out the window while my hand is entwined with Blake’s and resting on my thigh.
Once we get home, the kids grab their suitcases and hurry inside, leaving me and Blake alone in the truck. As soon as the front door shuts, Blake’s hands are around me, pulling me in for a kiss much stronger than the one at the airport.
“Don’t ever leave again,” he grumbles.
I chuckle. “Blake, it was four days.”