Page 25 of The Reality Duet
Joey’s arms are crossed over her chest and her lip is jutted out. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say she’s pissed.
“I don’t want to hit you.”
“Why not?” I ask, knowing full well that I deserve it for taking advantage of her. I know how she feels about me and should’ve never put her in this situation.
“We didn’t have sex.”
“Um. . . yes we did,” I rebut her claim. She doesn’t have to pretend like it didn’t happen.
“No, we didn’t,” she says matter-of-factly.
I step forward and place my hands on her shoulders. “Joey, we did and I must’ve said something stupid to you because you ended up sleeping on the couch. What can I do to fix this? I don’t want you to be mad at me.”
Her eyebrow rises and there’s a slight smirk creeping across her face. There’s nothing but mystic and danger in her eyes. Whatever she’s thinking, I have a feeling I’m not going to be able to say no.
Joey sets her hands on my cheeks. “Joshua, you and I didn’t have sex last night. When I came out of the shower, you were spread out like a five-point star and I couldn’t move you, so I slept on the couch.”
“Joey, you don’t have to pretend.” I try to sound confident, self-assured. Maybe she doesn’t remember, or she does and this is her way of telling me it was horrible.
“You’re cute when you’re flustered, but honestly, we didn’t have sex so stop trying to say we did because I’m getting upset.”
Joey starts to step away, but I grab her quickly and pull her back to me. I search for any sign that she’s lying, but I’m unable to tell.
“I’m sorry, what can I do to make it better?”
“Kiss me.”
“Kiss you?” I question.
“Kiss me like you mean it. Kiss me like I’m the only one in the world that makes you smile.” Joey falls back into my arms. “Kiss me like I’m the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.” She’s now chest to chest with me and the sexual tension is heavy. Joey licks her lips and my eyes watch the slow motion of her tongue.
“Ah hell,” I say before pulling her into my arms and crashing my lips against hers. I know we had sex last night, and that’s a game changer. I just have to figure out why she’s so hell bent on telling me we didn’t. Everything with her is now intensified and turning her away from this point on is going to be extremely difficult. Maybe she knows this, or maybe this is just part of her game plan. Either way, I’m screwed. I’m done for. Joey Freaking Wilson officially owns me.
twelve
joey
In the past two weeks,I want to say that things with Joshua have stilled. That we don’t talk unless the cameras are on. We don’t kiss, touch, or make ridiculous eyes at each other. That would all be a lie. Everything changed after we had sex. While he sometimes initiates contact, he holds back a lot. I don’t know if it’s because he’s unsure and now questioning his feelings or what. What I do know is he makes my knees weak, my stomach flip-flop, and my skin tingle. He gives me a headache, makes my heartbreak, and my imagination plots ways to cause him harm. I want to tell him what he knows, but saying the words out loud to him can only have one reaction—it was a mistake. I’d rather pretend that we didn’t have sex than to hear those words tumble off his lips. There isn’t any amount of kissing or subtle touches that would put my heart back together after that.
I love him, but won’t admit it to anyone or say the words out loud. Saying them out loud makes everything seem real. I can barely admit it to myself on most days because I’m not sure if it’s genuine love, or if it’s the built up infatuation I’ve had with him for so many years. Either way, when he’s in the room my senses are heightened, and after our drunken sexcapades, everything is off the charts crazy.
I finally feel like I fit in with the others in the house. Amanda’s icy cold demeanor has changed to tepid. Not a great improvement, but better than nothing. Once Gary started to physically change, so did her attitude. I have to give him credit; he’s worked out and watched what he’s eaten all to impress her. I’m not sure that’s something I would’ve done for someone, but he’s proven that she’s important to him. Amanda also curbed her wandering eyes for Josh and for that I’m thankful. Now she’s taken to actually eyeing her husband, and I know he appreciates it. Josh says Gary gossips like a high school girl and I told Josh that there are some things I just don’t want to know.
My husband is the one I want to be my everything, my whole world and every other clichéd analogy I can come up with. Every time I think about him and me outside of the house, my heart dies a little bit. Once we’re off this studio lot, I’ll never see him again unless I go completely fangirl and camp out at a premiere for a chance photo from behind the barricade.
If I have to be a fangirl, so be it.
I can’t imagine beingthatgirl, but who knows. Would he treat me like a fan? Sign my poster, pose for a selfie and move on? Or would he have his security team come get me and have me walk the carpet as his cordial ex-wife. With an annulment, I won’t be an ex, it’ll be as if our marriage never happened. I can change that by telling him we had sex, but the outcome isn’t favorable. Neither is being erased from history, and only having proof of our marriage available online or during next season’s show, reminding viewers of what happened in this season. Dwelling on what’s going to happen in two months will get me nowhere, fast. Taking life by the horns is what I need to do. That and meditate, and possibly walk around in my bikini more. I could bake a cake. Cake is always good.
The house is boring. We eat, sleep, lie in the sun, and go swimming. Twice a week we have competitions and once a day we go into the confession room and air our dirty laundry. Joshua says the best is yet to come, but I don’t see how. He kindly reminds me that I’m not a fan of the show and that I can never let my guard down because at any moment they can change the way the game is played. He says I’m unprepared. I say he’s too worried about winning. The only exciting thing that has happened lately is we named the computer monotone voice that comes on and tells us what to do. Her name is Linda, courtesy of Gary and him telling “her” to shut up because she reminds him of her mother. The name stuck even with Amanda mumbling something to the effect of how she’s not so eager to meet his mother now.
That’s something I envy about Millie and Amanda—they’re going to meet their in-laws, not that I’d expect Josh to introduce me to his parents, but I’d like for him to meet mine. My parents would like him, and not because of who he is or what he does, but because of what he means to me. They won’t, however, be entirely thrilled to find out about my impending annulment and I’m sure my mother will find some way to sue the show for fraud and whatnot. My mother loves to stir the pot, create drama where there doesn’t need to be any. If she had thought about it, she would have sued McDonald’s first for the “hot” coffee, but thankfully she missed the boat on that one.
Josh nestles in behind me, his arm resting on my stomach. From the outside we look like we’re in love. He stands with me, holds my hand, and steals kisses. When I go to bed, he follows. When I take too long in the bathroom before going to sleep, I’m always rewarded with his sexy ass in bed, reading a book. I like to take as long as possible just so I can burn that vision into my memory for the future. Most nights follow the same routine. If he’s reading, he watches me cross the room all while closing the book and setting it somewhere near the nightstand. He pulls the blankets back for me and beckons for me to crawl into his arms. We’ll make out until things get heavy and then he finds a way to get me onto my side so he can hold me.
This could be our last night in the red room, or the beginning of another week. It’s his favorite. Not once have we spent a week in the other room. When we have to switch he runs and puts our bags down before Gary or Cole can do it. It’s childish, and I love it. I want to be in the room where it all started.
It’s competition day. Today will be different from the others. Technically, today is our one-month anniversary, according to Linda, who keeps us apprised of information like this. Being without television, cell phones, and the Internet has been tough, but it’s also been a blessing. I like the solitude that comes with being tech free, and I enjoy the time that we’ve all been able to get to know each other without the incessant ringing of a phone. Besides, I honestly don’t want to know what people are saying about me being Josh’s wife, or how the media is portraying Jules Maxwell, his ex. I don’t want to know if they feel sorry for her.