Page 13 of Muskoka Blue
“Oh. Well, I’ll leave you to your music.”
She shook her head. “I’m kind of done now.” There was a flow to music, a space that was hard to find once the rhythm had been broken. She couldn’t go back there right now.
“I didn’t mean to interrupt.” Dan continued standing there, a lopsided smile on his face, hands jammed in his back pockets. But that grin was a little disconcerting. And he’d proved surprisingly kind and thoughtful several times now. Not that he’d ever be her type, of course. Although, as she’d sat in the car after church the other day, she couldn’t help but notice the number of girls who thought he was exactly their type, ogling and giggling their way up to speak to him. Please.
“Well, uh…” He shoved a hand through his hair. “Do you want to go fishing?”
She choked. “Me? I don’t fish.” The few times she’d accompanied her father as a child had been a waste of a good sit down as far as she was concerned. What was the point if you didn’t catch anything?
“Want to keep me company while I fish, then?”
“Is this a pity invitation?” Not more pity.
“No.” The tough-guy mask slipped a little. “I, uh, I’d just like some company.”
“Oh.” Loneliness she understood. And if she stayed inside, she’d only feel more of this stifling, sickening melancholy. “Well, I suppose I could.”
“Is that a pity acceptance?” He bit his lip, as if trying not to smile.
The corners of her mouth twitched. “Maybe.”
Sarah tuggeddown her wide-brimmed hat against the sun’s bright glare on the water. Why had she agreed to this? This sitting around waiting for things to happen… She yawned. If only she’d broughtEmma. Maybe she could make up some excuse and go back.
“This is good, isn’t it?”
Good? Well, maybe compared to being covered in honey and left in a pit with hungry bears. “When do the fish start biting?” She snuck a peek at the man sitting beside her.
His lips curved. “Patience. They’ll bite when they’re ready.”
Sarah adjusted her oversized sunglasses and bit back a sigh. She so didn’t do patience.
“You’re not really having fun, are you?” he said after a moment. “I knew you said yes because you felt sorry for me. What d’you want to do instead?”
“Read. Sleep.” She concentrated on her ring, studying the diamond facets as they sparkled in the summer sun, twisting it again so only the thin gold band showed. Sometimes she liked to pretend she was married, that Stephen was only away on a long vacation and this was all a bad dream. She couldn’t take it off. The ring was her last tangible reminder of him.
“Sociable, huh?”
“Not anymore.” After an initial flurry of hospital visitors, she’d begun isolating herself, making excuses not to see people. Who could ever understand her pain?
“You’re enjoying it here, though, aren’t you?”
“It’s beautiful. So serene.” The loud whine of a motorboat powered across the lake in front of them, sending rippling waves to the shore. “Yep, real serene.”
He laughed. “That’s the downside of all this beauty. Everyone wants a piece of it.” He propped his fishing rod up with a rock. “I guess that’s the end of the bites for a while.”
“You’re such an optimist. I still think you didn’t attach the bait properly.”
“Pessimist.”
“Nope.” She followed a droning dragonfly’s lazy acrobatic display. “Realist.”
He snickered. “You’re kinda fun when you want to be.”
Sarah stared at a tiny rocky island proudly waving a Canadian flag. Fun? For all the peace and tranquility of her surrounds, tension still coiled inside her like a snake—tension that could never leave her. Over the years, she’d been accused many times of having a temperament to match her fiery-colored hair, but now anger really did bubble away, like in a pressure cooker, ready to spew out. Sometimes she felt so angry her skin could barely hold it in.
She was angry with Stephen for leaving her. Angry with God for allowing this to happen. She even felt perversely angry with all the well-meaning people who tried to help but ended up saying those same stupid, meaningless things, likeHe’s in a better placeorGod must have wanted him home.She wanted to scream at themHe should be here with me! We should be married by now, planning to have babies!
Babies? Her breath suspended, her eyes filling afresh. She bit her lip hard, trying to breathe past clogged tears.