Page 107 of Love Sick
“You can’t behave that way. I’m trying to help you. I’m trying to make you better so you can play music again. I know that if you can do that again, everything will be all right. We’ll be all right again. I love you, Jonathan. Please come back to me.”
I blink away the memory, not wanting to alert Alanna and smile. “Yes, fine. It’s just hard being here.”
“I understand.” She rubs my arm. “Let’s say our quick goodbyes and then go home.”
This was all part of the deal, I remind myself.
Alanna opens a door and when we enter, I see it’s just as sterile as the bathroom. The walls are white tiles. There are medical tools on a silver trolley.
But the centerpiece is a silver gurney in the middle of the room, and strapped to it is Luna. She’s wearing a white gown, the same one we once both wore.
But here I am in a suit and bow tie.
The leather straps are around her chest and legs, so she can’t move. It pains me to see her this way.
“Luna,” I say, the betrayal in my voice clear.
I can’t help but think back to the time when I thought I was helping her by sending her back here.
She doesn’t reply.
But her silence speaks volumes.
“We just want to help you,” Alanna says sweetly, and why wouldn’t she?
She’s won.
“Can you give us a minute?” I ask her, and she nods, trusting me completely.
She kisses me on the mouth, rubbing salt in Luna’s open wounds. She leaves, humming happily.
When she’s gone, I guiltily walk toward Luna so she can see me. But she won’t look at me. I didn’t expect her to.
“I didn’t know what else to do,” I explain, needing her to understand. “People like us don’t win. It’s people like Alanna that everyone roots for. I knew you would humiliate and kill her on that stage. Tell me I’m wrong.”
Luna can’t turn her head because a leather strap is across her forehead. “I would have done that and enjoyed every second of it,” she replies with contempt.
“And throw your life away?” I cry, not regretting my decision, but regretful it’s ended this way. “I couldn’t stand by and watch that. What do you think would happen? You’d have your revenge and then spend the rest of your life in jail? No. That’s no life to live.”
“Why did I go then? If this was your grand plan, why did I need to be there? Why did I need to see you profess your undying love? I know you’re wholesome and want to see the good in everyone, but this is fucking ridiculous.”
“I needed you to see that all of this is for you.”
She scoffs. “You’re a fucking coward. Don’t you realize I would rather die than be locked up here? We could have tried to make people believe us.”
“Who’s going to believe us? We’re just two people who are…insane.”
And maybe that’s what we are.
But we all go a little crazy sometimes…
“I promised to protect you, and this is the only way I know how.”
She finally looks at me, and her eyes are on fire as she says, “Go to hell…because I’m already there.”
And that’s her parting words to me.
With a sigh, I bend down and kiss her cheek before whispering, “Save me a seat, baby.”