Page 62 of Bad Reputation
I roll my eyes, my face beginning to burn. “Yeah, well. You ruined it. Now I’m like, when is too soon to propose? When can we… you know… have kids? All that kind of shit.”
Her perfectly pink mouth goes round in surprise. “You’re thinking… I mean… I didn’t realize you really meant long term. I just thought that I was being silly.”
My ears burning bright red, I shake my head. “Nope. Or at least, if you’re being silly, then I am too. But… you know I love you. And I don’t exactly say that a lot.”
Her eyes turn glossy with unshed tears. “I know. You have to know that I love you too. Like, so much that it’s crazy.”
I move forward, leaning down to kiss her on the lips. A voice inside my head demands that I grab her tits, that I feel her ass jiggle as I smack it. But I have to learn to quiet that voice, every once in a while.
My lips curve upwards, and I break the kiss. She looks at me, thinking what I’m thinking.
“That was very restrained,” she says, patting me appreciatively. “I like that you’re really very serious about me finishing my water.”
“Hydration is important,” I say with a shrug. “Tomorrow, I’ll go by the store and stock up on some gatorade and coconut water.”
“How very thoughtful of you.” She drinks some more water.
Silence falls between us, weirdly comfortable. I lie down with my head in her lap, and she allows it. I watch her face, thinking how lucky I am that her eyes and mouth are so expressive. I can tell when she has a thought, because she looks at me, as if she’s not sure she should share it.
“What?” I ask. Obviously I catch her off guard, and she blushes.
“Umm.” She screws the lid back on the water bottle, and sets it aside. Leaning back a little, she combs her fingers through my hair. “Remember when you broke up with me?”
I wince at her words. “Yeah, of course. I was being a dumbass.”
“I was pretty upset,” she says, looking away from me.
“Yes. I remember it. I’m sorry for the pain I caused.” I take her other hand, lacing our fingers together. I feel guilty as sin as I look at how small and delicate her fingers are next to mine.
“I thought…” She pauses, stumbling over her words. When she says the next bit, it all comes out rushed. “I thought I was pregnant. And I thought you had left me. And I just… I freaked out.”
My fingers freeze. I’m alarmed, more than I have the right to be. “Wait, I thought you were on the pill.”
“An IUD,” she corrects gently. “And I am. But I thought… just for a minute, I thought I might be carrying your baby.”
“Yeah?” I ask, because that’s all I know to say. My mouth is suddenly really dry.
“I don’t know. I don’t know why I’m telling you about it, honestly. I guess I just felt… like relieved, at the same time as sort of sad?” she admits.
I squeeze her fingers. “I would have done the right thing, you know.”
“Yeah, but… I’m glad that it didn’t go down like that. I think that I would’ve always had a nagging voice in the back of my head that wondered if you would’ve come back to me or not without the pregnancy. This way, I just know.”
She uncaps the water bottle, drinking almost all of it. I take it from her, finish it, and roll to my feet.
“I’m glad it worked out like it did. And don’t think for a hot second that it will at all deter me from enjoying your body.” I lean down for a kiss. She didn’t have to tell me that… she just felt comfortable enough to confide it. I don’t want to discourage that, at all. I pull away from the kiss, my eyes twinkling. “I think we’re going to need another one of these, just to keep going.”
She arches a brow. “Are we going to keep going?”
“Fuck yes we are,” I tell her. “If I have my way, we’ll be doing this when we’re eighty.”
She smiles widely. I grin down at her, then carry the water bottle toward the hallway.
24
Emma
Ilook at the time, sighing. I’m standing in my kitchen, making tea and talking to my mother over speakerphone. My mother is rattling on about how no one in her book club even reads the books.