Page 52 of Montana Silence

I heaved in a breath and looked down at her, forcing myself back into my body. Mara’s eyes locked on mine, and she smiled. “It might be cliché,” I said, breathless, “but I usually last longer.”

She laughed, eyes sparkling. Words were building in her eyes. “I…if there’s no pressure for me, there’s no pressure for you.”

As I rocked my hips again, her spine arched. A good sign. “Did I hurt you?”

Mara shook her head. I noticed the way she was touching me, her hands on my arms and chest. She needed more than this, and I needed to hold her. “I need to take care of the condom,” I said. “I’ll be right back.”

She winced as I pulled out of her. I might not have hurt her, but it didn’t mean she wouldn’t be sore. With the condom gone, I cleaned myself up as quickly as I could, grabbing a warm washcloth for Mara and pulling on a pair of underwear.

“Here,” I said. “Let me.”

“What?” Mara caught my wrist and scrambled upright. “You don’t have to do that.”

I watched her face, trying to filter through her panic to figure out what was bothering her. “Are you sure?”

Her cheeks turned pink, and she looked down. Whatever the reaction was, it was a long-buried instinct. “I’m happy to take care of you, Mara, but I would never force you.”

Taking the washcloth out of my hand, she slipped into the bathroom for a few minutes. While she was in the bathroom, I stripped back the comforter and made sure we had a different blanket.

I heard the toilet flush, and Mara came back out of the bathroom, still more tense than she had been. I held out my arms, and relief spilled over when she stepped into them without hesitation.

I arranged us in the bed, savoring the softness of her curves and the warmth of her skin and making sure we were cozied under the blankets before leaning over her. Brushing the hair out of her face, I kissed her forehead. “Did I overstep, sweetheart?”

She shook her head, forehead still pressed against my lips. “No.”

The way she clung to me now, I never wanted to let her go. Her body melted as she relaxed, just like she had last night. “Are you all right?” I asked. “Are you bleeding?”

“No. I feel…good.”

“But something upset you. It’s okay to tell me.”

Mara’s hand fluttered on my arms. She was struggling with words. Part of me hoped it was because she was happy.

“We don’t have to talk right now,” I whispered. “I’m more than happy to hold you.”

She curled into me and blew out a long, slow breath. It was easier for her to talk without looking at me. I loved seeing her face, but I understood the tightrope of vulnerability she was walking. She might struggle with it for the rest of her life, and if she did, I would still be with her. I could encourage her toward healing, but there was only so much one mind could take.

“I don’t…want you to think it was you,” she said softly. “I want this. I want you. And more.”

I stroked my hand down her side, waiting for more words.

“You already did so much,” she finally said. “You did everything.”

Suddenly, I understood. In all the time she spent with The Family, the men did nothing. On top of everything new, letting me take care of her in the aftermath pressed that boundary.

“I like taking care of you, Mara. Whatever form it takes. Especially if it brings you pleasure.”

Her mouth was pressed against my chest, and I felt the way she bit her lip. “It did.”

We held each other in silence for a few minutes. It was still relatively early in the evening, but I didn’t see us leaving this bed. We’d had one hell of a day.

“Was I okay?” Mara whispered.

“Were you okay?” It hit me she was asking about sex. There was a reason I put on underwear—to lessen the temptation of having her again and again. Because I’d only had one taste, and as far as I was concerned, it would never be enough. “The only reason I’m not naked with you right now is because you’re a temptation I don’t think I can resist. I want you so much it hurts to breathe. Watching you—tastingyou—god, Mara. I don’t have the words.”

She pulled her head back to look at me, her eyes filled with hope. “Really?”

“If I made you feel anything different, I’ve been an absolutely shitty boyfriend. I don’t want to hurt you. Otherwise, you might have to witness me begging.”