Page 50 of Secret Squirrel
I chuckled at her enthusiasm, but it still didn’t help my situation.
“You know, you really need to forget about her and take what you want.”
“Duke?”
“No, Cash,” she said sarcastically. “We can all see it. Seriously, if I didn’t have Red, I would take Duke in a heartbeat.”
“What’s that, babe?” Red walked into the room, glaring at his wife. “So, you’re already replacing me?”
“What? No, I just…” She looked to me for help, but I couldn’t give it to her. Then she pointed at me accusingly. “She won’t sleep with Duke!”
I gasped, narrowing my eyes at her. “Don’t blame this on me.”
“It’s your fault. You’d be happier if you just got the big D!”
“The big D?”
“Yeah, that’s right,” she snapped. “You need to get laid. You need a good schlonging. You need to do some squat thrusts in the cucumber patch!”
“The what?”
I could tell she was repeating it in her head. “You heard what I said! He’s a mechanic! How could you not go after him?”
“You know, I hate to remind you,” Red drawled, “but your husband is standing right fucking here!”
“You know it’s true. If you went as long as she has without sex, you’d be getting the same advice from your friends.”
“But they’re guys,” he said, his face turning red. “I can’t talk about sex with Rae.”
“And why not?” I shot him a glare. “I’m a coworker. I have sex just like the rest of you.”
“Yeah, but…you’re a girl. And while I don’t compare that on a mission, I sure as hell don’t want to discuss sex with you.”
“That’s because you’ve never heard girls talk about sex.” I winked at him, then turned to Zoe. “Have you ever done the butter churner?”
Her eyes went wide and she leaned in closer, snatching the bottle from my hands. “No, what’s that?” She poured herself another glass as I filled her in.
“Alright, so imagine you’re laying on your back, but then you have your legs over your head.”
“So, my ass is in the air.”
“Exactly, and then he basically sits on you…sort of, and he fucks you like that. And let me tell you, he gets so deep inside your pussy. You’ll be coming so hard.”
She tossed back her drink, sighing loudly, but Red was bright red, rubbing his neck.
I smirked at her and continued. “What about the standing wheelbarrow?”
“Oh my God. I love the name!”
“Basically, he holds you around the waist and fucks you from behind.”
“And I’m over a table?” she asked, fanning herself.
I shook my head slowly. “Nope. You’re just hanging there. Your hands are brushing the ground, if you can reach it. And your legs are wrapped around his waist.”
“Alright!” Red interrupted. “This really isn’t—”
“Oh my God, girl. How are you still here? Go get that man. Get his big dick and beg him to fuck you hard!”