Page 4 of Pleading Innocence

If she wanted to leave, I couldn’t stop her. And there was nothing to fight for. Maybe this was what was best for the both of us and I could stop running away into my office to avoid her. Perhaps, as time faded and I no longer had to see her face every day, I’d forget about this maddening desire for her. I’d be able to focus on work without thinking about the way she crossed her legs at her desk, wishing they were wrapped around me. Yes, this was probably what was best, and it took her to take the initiative for me to see that.

My chest ached when I raised my head to look at her again. I hesitated as my heart constricted. If I said something, how I honestly felt about her, we could find our way around Chris and my role as her employer. We could figure it out. At my pause, she turned to look at me, then tried to look away. I saw that she was fighting it. Fighting the hope she’d had moments before.

“Tiff,” I fixed my mouth to say, catching myself. Stress assaulted my lungs as I stood up to make my way toward her.

I couldn’t do it.

Instead I was left awkwardly standing. I walked toward my door, pretending I had somewhere else to be. “Well, I suppose if your mind’s made up, there’s nothing I can do to change it. The recommendation letter will be on your desk by the end of the day.”

Her back was still facing me when I heard her release a heavy breath before turning around and avoiding my eyes. With her arms crossed over her chest, she stomped past me. “Thank you,” she said.

I watched the hottest, most incomparable woman I’d ever been lucky enough to have sex with walk out the door and knew I’d never experience someone like her again. I had to be okay with that. So I turned around with the words I wanted to say stuck on my tongue as I made my way back to my desk.

Chapter 3

Tiffany

Forsomestrangereason,tears stung my eyes as I packed up my desk. It was so stupid. I was crying over someone I didn’t even like. But it was the disappointment that hit me. For a moment there, I’d thought he’d ask me to stay. The intensity between me and Jared was unlike anything I’d ever experienced. Everything felt far more challenging than it had to be. It felt like a battle in his presence, always.

My heart could never just relax, not like it did with Mario. Or Anthony, even though I’d only been with him twice and so seeing him still gave me a thrill of wonder. But at least with them, the racing pulse had more to do with excitement than anxiety and uncertainty. Jared Crawford was bad for me, and I was doing the best thing I could for myself by leaving.

I shoved the little awards I’d received throughout law school for my accomplishments into my box. They were on my desk for motivation. They’d have a nice home somewhere else, I hoped. The last time two whole weeks passed without anyone calling me for a job. I was grateful for my family’s support and wealth because some of my less-wealthy friends were still struggling to find jobs.

Some were even working in professions other than law just to keep up with rent, bills, and food while they waited for one of the many places they applied for to call them back. Maybe Jared was right and it was just my name that had gotten me in. While yes, I was younger than all my friends from law school, it was only by four years, and it hadn’t made them less smart just because they happened to enroll later than I had. Yet they were finding it hard.

So, what of me? I wondered how long I’d be sitting on my couch doing nothing. Not that I had anything to worry about except for possible boredom and going crazy without doing the one thing I was good at. Since I was a kid, I’d never lived longer than the two weeks without law in my life, and those two weeks weren’t easy. I’d jumped to take the job when it was reoffered to me.

Yes, there were the benefits of working alongside my lovers, but I was also driving myself mad when I wasn’t working—sitting at home, thinking about what to do with myself when Mario didn’t come over. All my friends were busy, and I couldn’t hang with my parents or Chris because I didn’t want them to know then that I’d lost my job. I wasn’t even sure I wanted them to know now.

I was zoned out in my thoughts as I threw my plant and picture frames into the box when I heard Melissa’s shoes coming down the tiled walkway. “Tiffany Levine, you’re leaving again?” she said, and I looked up to see her stretching her hand out, extending an envelope to me. “Mr. Crawford asked me to give you this.” She smiled. “Is everything okay?” she whispered, lowering her head over my cubicle wall.

I didn’t think she bought the whole sexual harassment claim brought against Jared. She’d worked for him for years and he’d never made a move toward her. And she had curves that would make a man’s mouth water for sure. Yet Jared hadn’t looked her way, not even once. And she hadn’t looked at him either, it seemed.

However, she was the type of person who knew better than to believe people were free of faults. So when she’d heard of the claim, she checked in with me when she called me to re-offer me the job. She’d assured me that I didn’t have to take it if I felt uncomfortable. I’d assured her right on back that I’d love to work for Jared Crawford again. I’d oversold it too, to drive home the fact that Jared was not what the gossips made him out to be. At least not as far as I was concerned. I mean, she didn’t have to know that everything that had happened between us was consensual and that I still craved him. She didn’t have to know anything had happened at all.

“Yes.” I patted her on the hand with a smile and she smiled in return. “I just need a change,” I told her.

“Well, I’ll be sad to see you go,” she said.

“Oh, you’ll manage.” I laughed.

She was the only person other than Mario and Anthony that I’d worked in close relations with over this past month, so I supposed her routine would change up a little bit.

“Well, all the best at your new job. I wrote some pretty amazing things about you.” She winked and walked away.

Right. Of course she did. Why did I think that Jared would have anything to do with the writing of the letter? That wasn’t his job. He just signed off on it. And that was that. The last chance I’d had of hearing what he felt for me was in the office, and he hadn’t said what I wanted to hear because he didn’t care. So, why should I?

It just proved to me that I’d made the right choice. I didn’t need to waste my time pining over someone that made me feel like I was losing my mind. A fresh start was exactly what I needed. And it was what I was hoping to get.

“Thank you,” I shouted to her departing frame before scooping up my stuff and heading toward the door. I didn’t want to waste another second sitting at my desk and hoping he’d rush after me to tell me that he’d made a mistake.

I was the one who’d made a mistake because I should’ve known from the first day I stepped into his office to avoid him at all costs. It was chaotic from the moment I’d met him, and I should’ve taken that as my cue to walk right out of the doors of Crawford & Beame from day one. But it was never too late to right your wrongs, and as the doors swung shut behind me, I sighed in relief. Goodbye, Jared Crawford, and hello to the new and scary unknown.

* * *

I felt better already, showered and changed into baggy satin pajama pants and a matching satin camisole as I sat down to stream some mind-numbing shows. It would get pretty boring and restless after a few days if this was what I was meant to do, day in and day out. But tonight, I was enjoying the fact that I could breathe a little better in a space where Jared Crawford wasn’t sucking out the oxygen.

I was laughing out loud in my own apartment with no one to silence me and it felt therapeutic. However, as I pressed pause on the show to go and fix myself something to eat, the quietness of the apartment made the realization of no longer having a job hit harder. It didn’t quite knock me over, but it made me pause as I steamed some veggies and popped some chicken breast in the oven.