Page 69 of Say You'll Stay
The way he fits so perfectly in everything he wears. The way those shoulders move with every tight muscle in his body, or the way they felt when he guided me to hold them that night we met.
I still think about it sometimes.
He can never, ever know about that.
Holy crap, Allie, way to objectify the father of your son. Again. You’re a damn pervert. Also, you just said you wouldn’t objectify him.
I turn my back to him and try to remember where we are. I don’t need to look at those women anymore. They’re probably rubbing themselves against the nearest hard object, trying to spread their natural sex scent. I don’t know, I’m no expert, but I can’t help it if I suddenly want to grab hold of him and keep him for myself.
I’m sick. That’s what this is. I am deranged, somehow.
No, I know what it is. I’m at a point in my life where I should have lots of sex and have been keeping myself cooped up because I made myself promise not to give it up so easily and end up with another child on my own.
Maybe Charity was right. I should consider that thing she sent me. I’ll just lose the fear and try it out. Tonight. I’ll wait until I know everyone’s asleep and I’ll try it myself.
Won’t be too bad, right?
“Do you always mumble to yourself?”
My soul definitely left my body, and the jolt sent me backward into Lucas’ hard chest.
I need to get out of here. I’m breaking out into a sweat. Feverish.
Lucas watches me, obviously waiting for an answer while I’m standing here trying to figure it out when he takes hold of my wrist. Now I really want to make a show of it in front of the eight floozies behind us.
I can’t mark territory that isn’t mine, and I’m certainly not marking territory with Lucas. No.
Too much.
“Allie?”
“Right, um, I was just... making a mental note for...” I locate the nearest object because I’m an idiot at a loss for words. “Bendy straws.”
“Oh.” He leans over and grabs a pack from the shelf and I see his chest through the side of his shirt. “Here.” He smirks like the devil he is. “Now you don’t have to get them. There were more people than I expected there today. Anything else?”
“I don’t think so. Is there anything else you need though?”
The store is busy and jam-packed. The lines are already long, so we’ll be here a while. “Yeah, come on.” He pushes the cart forward.
I can feel the sets of eyes on him as we walk. Doesn’t he?
“So tell me,” he leans on the cart and his shoulders flex. I’m going to die, aren’t I? “Have you used it yet?”
“Used what?”
He winks and I freaking know it. Does he know I was thinking about that?
“No.”
“Oh, come on, Allie, try it. Is Ted not inspiring enough to spark any kind of need?”
Did he really just ask that? In the grocery store?
“You need help getting the juices flowing?”
“You can’t say things like that! You’re in a relationship.”
“No, I have a live-in complainer that I haven’t spoken to in days. There’s a difference.”