Page 13 of I Could Never

Carly: You’d better be joking.

Josh: Maybe I am. Maybe I’m not.

Carly: The lemons work and are completely safe. No aluminum to enter my lymphatic system and kill me twenty years from now.

Josh: All the shit there is to worry about in life and you’re concerned about deodorant? You should probably chill out.

Carly: This from someone who willingly sucks in carbon monoxide. I shouldn’t have even asked about the deodorant. It’s clear you don’t give a crap about your health.

Josh: I’ll take the toxic shit with extra aluminum, please.

Carly: Toxic deodorant for a toxic guy. Coming up!

Josh: Lemons for a tart. ;-)

Carly: Look at you, so quick on your toes. Why don’t you use them to head back to Chicago. LOL

Josh: Kidding. A tart is one thing you’re not, actually. A little sour, maybe…but definitely not a tart.

Carly: I’ll take your retraction as a compliment.

Josh: See? Even though you called me toxic, I took back tart. Who’s the mature one?

Carly: I’ll give you that.

Josh: Now you’ve got me wondering where else you’re sticking lemons.

I laughed as I reached for a masculine deodorant that was on sale.

Carly: Up your ass, Mathers. And there goes your mature card. By the way, I’ve got your toxic deodorant. I’ll be here another five minutes or so if you think of anything else.

The tiny dots moved around the screen.

Josh: Actually, can you pick up a carton of ice cream?

Carly: Please don’t say any kind. I’ll be here all day trying to choose something.

Josh: Pistachio

Carly: Hmm…

Josh: What?

Carly: That’s my favorite too.

Josh: Well, looks like we’ve just found the one thing we have in common besides Brad.

Carly: It’s gonna be a long week. Shall I pick up two cartons?

Josh: Yeah. And some alcohol.

CHAPTER 5

CARLY

LATER THAT AFTERNOON,I went back out to buy extra linens at the nearest Walmart, which was thirty minutes away.

When I returned to the house, I gasped at the sight before me.