Page 16 of I Could Never
“Really? All I taste is silicone.” Josh winked as he chewed. “I must have gotten the bad one.”
I gestured with my fork. “Not sure I’ll ever be able to live that down.”
He chuckled. “You know who would’ve loved that whole thing?”
I stopped chewing and whispered, “Brad.”
Josh seemed lost in thought for a moment. “He would’ve figured out a way to write it into one of his scripts, you know? He was always on the lookout for material. Any time something crazy happened when we were out together, he’d call me later and say ‘guess what made it into the show?’”
“Did you ever watch the show?”
“Not all the time. But I’ve seen maybe half the episodes,” he said.
“Did you see the one where the character, Maddie, sends a raunchy text to her doctor by accident?”
“Yeah. I remember that one.”
I pointed to myself. “This girl right here.”
“Oh, damn.” He chuckled.
“Yup. Brad thought it was funny, even if I was mortified.”
Josh sighed. “Well, he would’ve found the silicone-chicken incident just as funny.”
My chest tightened. “Yep. He would’ve died laughing.” I realized what I’d just said. “Ugh.”Died.Laughing.
We sat in silence, watching Scottie devour the last of his chicken.
“I can see now that it would’ve been really challenging going at this alone.” I wiped my mouth and sucked up my pride. “I’m glad you’re here.”
Josh hesitated but nodded, seeming a bit taken aback by the olive branch I’d extended. He crumpled his napkin and tossed it aside. “I don’t know how Wayne did it every day, to be honest.”
“I guess love gives you strength. Scottie was all he had left.”
“And now Scottie has no one.” Josh shook his head slowly. “Life is so fucking unfair. I’ve struggled a lot with anger these past couple of years. I hoped it would get easier, but it really hasn’t.”
“I thought I was the only one.”
Josh’s voice was barely audible. “I would’ve given anything for it to be me and not him.”
I fought my tears. “Well, that’s a testament to your friendship.”
Scottie interrupted our somber moment when he jumped up from his seat. I took him over to the sink and helped him wash his hands before he disappeared into his bedroom.
“He really loved you, you know.”
I’d started cleaning up, but Josh’s words stopped me in my tracks. I turned around to face him. “Yeah. I do know. But thank you for saying that.”
Josh leaned back in his chair. “I didn’t want to believe he’d bitten the dust with you. I tested him a lot in the beginning—threw temptation in his face when he came out to visit. But none of it mattered. Eventually, I saw how committed he was. And I envied him for finding that kind of connection with someone.”
“That might be the most mature thing you’ve ever said, Mathers.”
“Don’t get your hopes up, Pumpkin. It’s not a trend. I just got caught in your sappy soup for a moment.”
I grinned. “Well, you can’t find something like what Brad and I had if you’re not open to it.”
“Yeah.” He sighed. “I never really have been. Too busy having fun out there, I guess.” He stood and began clearing the rest of the table.