Page 56 of I Could Never
“I’m kidding, Pumpkin. Relax.”
Why do I love it when he calls me that now?I followed him into the kitchen and leaned against the counter as he opened the carton of ice cream.
“I’m surprised you didn’t demolish that already,” I said.
“Well, Scottie had other plans for me tonight, so you’re in luck.”
Josh prepared two heaping bowls. He handed me one, and I sighed in ecstasy after I took the first bite.
“This was exactly what I needed,” I said with my mouth full.
Josh spooned up a big bite. “My brother didn’t buy you dessert?”
“I wasn’t hungry for it at the time, but suddenly I’m starving.” My heart lurched. That could be a metaphor for the physical attraction I felt toward Josh right now, instead of his brother. I should just go straight to hell at this point.
“I guess we both batted a thousand with our dates this weekend,” he said, shoveling ice cream into his mouth. “Better luck next time, I guess.”
“You should take the bed tonight,” I told him, licking the back of my spoon. “Seriously. I don’t mind sleeping on the couch.”
“I can’t do that to you.”
I wiped ice cream from the corner of my mouth and tried to garner the courage to say what I was thinking. “So then just sleep in the bed…” I murmured. “It’s big enough. I won’t even notice you there.”
He scratched his chin scruff. “I’m trying to figure out if that’s an insult or not.”
“It’s not!” I chuckled. “But for Christ’s sake, we’ve been through so much these past several weeks. We’re both adults. We can share a bed.”
“I don’t know.” He looked away, but seemed to be considering it. “We’ll see...”
Was his hesitation because he knew I was attracted to him?Oh no, does he think I’m trying to suggest something?Everything in me said it was a bad idea to clarify my intentions—or lack thereof—but I had to explain myself further, or I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight.
“I don’t want you to think I’m hoping for any funny business...”Ugh.That didn’t come out right.
His eyes widened. “Funnybusiness?”
“Yeah, you know...”
“No, I don’t. Define funny business.” He snorted. “Is that like booby prize?”
“Josh...”
His expression turned serious. “I know. You’re just being sweet in offering.”
“I guess I’m paranoid because of the whole diary thing. You read what I wrote about finding you attractive.”
“Much to your chagrin, you find the pig attractive,” he taunted with a nod.
“I don’t want you to think I’m hoping for something, or that I would ever go there. I know that would be wrong, and I have no intention of—”
“Jesus. Quit while you’re ahead, Carly. I know you weren’t insinuating anything, okay? That’s not why I hesitated. It’s just the principle of it, you know? Even though in the end it’s just a bed, lying next to you is still…lying next to you. And I guess I feel weird doing that when…he can’t.”
Okay, so this is about Brad.“I get it,” I muttered. I needed to just go to bed and escape the awkwardness I had created. “Well, I think I’m gonna turn in. I’d love to take a shower, but I’m afraid to wake Scottie.”
“He’s a pretty heavy sleeper. I think you’ll be good.”
“Okay. I’ll be quick.”
Once in the shower, I lathered shampoo in my hair, berating myself again for suggesting Josh share the bed with me tonight. How could henotthink that was out of line? A part of me just wanted someone to sleep next to, that feeling of heaviness in the bed, of security. But I still needed my head checked for thinking it was a good idea with Josh.