Page 61 of Run Like the Devil
He set his hand over mine, the warmth of it surprising given how cold everything else was. Then again, I recalled the almost choking heat of his world. Perhaps he ran warmer because of that? Maybe, because he struggled with keeping that part under control, I could feel it now where I hadn’t before?
“You saw what I am when I pulled you from the darkness, and you flinched away.”
“So what? Anything new will freak someone out. It doesn’t mean I can’t accept it once I get used to it. You can’t throw something like that at someone then get mad when they don’t catch it the first time.”
He wrapped his fingers around my wrist and tugged me closer, bringing my fingers toward his mouth. A part of me recalled all those teeth in his other form, yet it didn’t startle me as it had before. He had always seemed like he had too many teeth, after all. He pressed his lips to my fingers, the touch shockingly gentle. It was strange to feel something so caring from Yazmor.
He could be funny, terrifying, irreverent, even occasionally informative—assuming I could get past the things he said that made no sense—but he’d never been so gentle, as though he handled something precious.
“I have been rejected in my life more than you could imagine, always because I didn’t fit in, because I didn’t fit the mold. It hasn’t ever mattered to me, though. I was happy enough on my own. You changed that, made me want to fit in, made me want to have people who accepted me. This place, it feels as if it’s peeling my skin off, as if it’s dug a knife tip beneath this mask of humanity I wear and is prying that camouflage free. I struggle to remember how I’m supposed to act, to even look this way. It’s like my true form is prowling around inside me and scratching free.”
“So let it,” I said, staring up and into his face, trying to make my words come out strong, so he understood I was serious.
He laughed softly, continuing to move his lips across my fingers. “That’s easy for you to say. The problem is that once seen, things can’t be easily forgotten. Hippos seem like fat hairless guinea pigs. They look innocent and sweet and like the comedic relief of the large mammal world. However, the first time a person sees one attack, it will forever change their view. They can’t go back to seeing them as they had before. They can’t just pretend they never saw it. Likewise, if you see me fully, if I shed all of this that I’ve worn to fit in, you can’t ever go back. You can’t unsee it or unknow it later, and if it's too much? I lose the first thing I’ve wanted in so long…”
“You should trust me more than that,” I whispered, setting my hand on his cheek. “I’ve accepted everything else about you—and in case you’ve forgotten, that includes your tendency to act badly then immediately apologize, your random trivia, you desire to play with animals that do not like you, and the weird gifts you give me. No matter how weird all that gets, I’ve accepted it. Whether you look like this or like that tree creature doesn’t change who I know you are.”
“How can you be sure that is who you know? How do you know that all those things, all the things you know about me, aren’t just another part of my subterfuge? How do you know they aren’t just things I do to appear harmless, to sneak beneath the defenses of others? If I hide so much of myself, how can you be sure any of it is real?”
I rubbed my thumb against his cheek, enjoying the way his heat soaked into my palm. “Because I know you. I’ve spent enough time with you to know who you really are. What you look like doesn’t matter to me at all, and no matter how much you try to ignore me or run away or tell me that I won’t be able to accept you, I’m sure that I know you, that I’ve seen who you are, and that I love who you are.”
He blinked slowly, as if my words had surprised him, and it took me way too long to realize what it was exactly that I’d said.
I’d just uttered the unthinkable. I’d gone and blurted out something I wasn’t ever supposed to say and certainly not to any of these men.
Yet I’d put my foot in my mouth and somehow admitted my true feelings. It went to show just how reckless I really was.
He stared down at me, his breath warming my fingers as he stood almost frighteningly still. My gaze moved from his eyes to his lips.
Normally, in the tension of a moment like this, it would lead to a kiss.
Well, usually it’d lead to a lot more than that since I’d never been a woman with much patience or self-control. However, Yazmor was different. I didn’t want to push him, to beg for something he didn’t want to participate in given our previous conversation about sex.
Before I could apologize and make some stupid joke to ease the tension between us, Yazmor used his free hand to grasp the back of my neck and pulled me forward. The action was so fast, so unexpected that I couldn’t stop myself from a startled cry.
Yet no sound left me, because just as quickly, Yazmor pressed his lips to mine and swallowed the sound, stealing it from me and breathing it down.
His kiss wasn’t overly practiced, yet it wasn’t like Hale’s, either, something wild and passionate. Instead, it felt like a test, as if he were seeing what he thought of the whole thing.
And that meant I wanted him to think he enjoyed it. I kissed him back, wanting not to feel like a clumsy teenager who might scare him off the whole thing. I sure knew how it felt to try this shit out for the first time and want to write it off when it wasn’t great.
If I turned Yazmor from possibly interested to not for me just from a kiss I was pretty sure I’d hate myself forever for it.
So I went up to my toes, tilting my head, keeping the kiss sweet and soft. I teased his lips with mine, even darting my tongue out to trace his full bottom lip, to dip past just slightly as if to tempt him with what could come later.
Too quickly—much too quickly, really—I broke the kiss and looked up at him, wanting to read on his face what he thought.
Sure, my pride would take quite the blow if he seemed to hate it, but I needed to know. I nibbled on my own bottom lip as I tried to read his expression.
He smiled, though the edges seemed strained, before he brought his thumb to my where my teeth pressed into my lip, rubbing at the spot. “Don’t worry so much. I enjoyed that very much.”
“Really?” I cursed myself for that weak response, for my own uncertainty. Cursing it didn’t change it, though.
“Really.” He stroked once more before pulling his hand back. “I saw you in the darkness with Hale and Tyrus, you know.”
My eyes widened at that, and I wondered just how long he’d watched. I also had to admit that I didn’t really mind the idea of him having watched it… “And to think you chastised me for peeping on Wayne.”
“I wasn’t peeping, and in fact, you’d already finished. You were just lying there with them.” He didn’t go on at first, his violet eyes locked on mine. He felt so close for one, as if I could understand him if I just watched him a little more, peered just a bit closer, I’d unlock all his mysteries. “I’ve seen you naked before, had no reaction to it, hadn’t cared about it. A body is a body to me. In fact, in my world, clothing didn’t exist because we didn’t need a shield from the elements, so nudity has never affected me. Seeing you there felt different, though. My hands kept curling as if I wanted to grasp something.”