Page 37 of Outrun The Devil
Guilt washed over her, a feeling that she had betrayed Markham's memory by even considering working closely with someone new. The thought of forming a connection that could potentially replace what she had lost felt like a betrayal of the bond they had shared.
But as Olivia wrestled with her conflicted emotions, she couldn't help but acknowledge the weight of her loneliness. The solitude she had sought as a shield against further pain had become a burden, a constant reminder of the void in her life. It was at this moment that she realized she couldn't keep living in the shadow of her past, bound by the memories of what once was.
With a deep breath, Olivia made a silent promise to herself and Markham's memory. She vowed to honor their partnership by embracing the possibility of forming new connections, of allowing herself to experience the strength and camaraderie that comes from working alongside a trusted ally.
The pain in her gut remained, an indelible reminder of the loss she had endured. But rather than letting it hold her back, she would let it fuel her determination to forge new bonds, to find a way to carry Markham's memory with her while also opening herself up to the potential of new partnerships.
“I had a partner once. A damn good partner,” she started. “I made a bad call, and it got him killed.”
The words hung heavy in the air as Olivia spoke, her voice filled with a mixture of regret and pain. Nathan remained silent, giving her the space, she needed to share her burden.
“We'd been partners ever since I was promoted to detective twelve years ago,” she continued, her gaze fixed on a distant point. “We were on a high-stakes case, chasing down a dangerous suspect. The pressure was intense, and I made a split-second decision that turned out to be fatal.”
A surge of guilt washed over Olivia, threatening to engulf her. She could still see the scene play out in her mind, the sound of gunfire, the chaos and confusion that ensued. And she could still hear Markham's voice, filled with trust and determination, urging her to take cover.
“But I failed him,” Olivia whispered, her voice choked with emotion. “I shot him.” Realizing the words as they left her mouth, Olivia drew in a sharp breath and clarified. “Not on purpose but…” she shook her head. “It might as well have been.”
The weight of her guilt had been a constant companion, a relentless reminder of the consequences of her actions. It had fueled her reluctance to form new partnerships, the fear that she would once again be responsible for someone else's life.
Nathan reached out, his hand gently covering Olivia's trembling one.
Olivia's hand instinctively recoiled from Nathan's touch, her emotions and past trauma surging to the surface at that moment. The pain and guilt still lingered, the wounds had not fully healed. Her hesitation was a stark reminder of the walls she had built around herself, shielding her from vulnerability.
“I'm sorry,” Nathan said softly, withdrawing his hand. His eyes reflected understanding and respect for her boundaries. “I didn't mean to overstep.”
Olivia took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. She knew Nathan meant well, but the scars of her past were deeply etched. Opening, trusting again, was a daunting prospect.
As the night wore on, the weight of their unspoken thoughts hung heavy in the air, casting a shadow over their shared silence. Olivia's mind raced with a sense of frustration, their time spent on the stakeout seemingly led nowhere. It felt like another dead end, another moment of stagnation in their pursuit of answers.
The absence of conversation between them felt palpable, a reflection of their collective disappointment and the lingering uncertainty that loomed over their investigation. Each passing minute only deepened the sense of frustration, as if time itself conspired against them, prolonging the agony of their unresolved situation.
With a sigh, she glanced at Nathan, their eyes briefly meeting in a shared understanding of the situation. The weariness etched on his face mirrored her own, a reflection of their collective exhaustion.
As the night finally ended, Olivia couldn't help but carry a glimmer of hope within her, a tiny ember amidst the shadows.
She was going to regret this later.
Chapter Twelve
Frustration settled heavily in the squad room as Olivia and Nathan faced yet another dead end in their investigation. The whiteboard once filled with hopes of leads and breakthroughs, now seemed like a cruel reminder of their mounting failures.
Olivia's gaze lingered on the names and details scrawled across the whiteboard, each representing a life lost and a puzzle unsolved. She couldn't help but feel the weight of responsibility pressing down on her shoulders. They were running out of time, and the pressure to catch the culprit intensified with each passing day.
Nathan sighed, his frustration mirroring Olivia's own. “We've hit a wall, Collins. No matter which angle we approach it from, it's like trying to grab smoke.”
She nodded, her brow furrowed with determination. “We can't give up now, Nathan. We owe it to the victims to find the truth and bring justice. We just need a breakthrough, a fresh perspective.”
Nathan's gaze met hers, a glimmer of hope shining through his weariness. “You're right. We can't let this case consume us. Let's regroup, and reassess our approach. Maybe there's something we've overlooked.”
Nathan clapped his hands together as if the realization of a grand idea hit him at that moment. “Why don't we get a drink and come back to this with fresh eyes?” He could tell she was exhausted, but he could also see that she wasn't willing to give up on the case. A conflicted feeling tugged at Olivia's weary mind. She yearned for a break, a respite from the relentless pursuit of answers. The weight of the case pressed upon her, demanding her undivided attention. But her body craved respite from the weight of the case.
A flicker of hesitation crossed Olivia's face as she contemplated Nathan's suggestion. She realized that, perhaps, a break was indeed necessary. The relentless pursuit had taken its toll on her, and the weight of the case threatened to cloud her judgment. As much as she yearned to keep pushing forward, she couldn't ignore the wisdom in Nathan's words.
With a sigh, Olivia nodded in agreement, acknowledging that a fresh perspective might bring new insights to their investigation. She understood the value of stepping back, allowing the mind to rest and reset. It was a difficult decision, one that required setting aside her pride and admitting that she couldn't keep pushing relentlessly without risking burnout.
The two of them walked out of the station in silence, heading towards a local bar in Tolleson. Olivia felt a twinge of guilt for leaving the case behind even for an hour. But as soon as they stepped inside the bar, Olivia was filled with conflicting emotions - excitement at being somewhere new and anxiety overstepping out of her comfort zone.
The dimly lit atmosphere of the bar filled Olivia with a mixture of unease and anticipation. The scent of alcohol hung in the air, thick and intoxicating, as she tried to silence the nagging doubts in her mind. Nathan, aware of her reservations, ordered two whiskeys, a gesture intended to ease the tension that lingered between them.