Page 273 of Hate to Love You
We’re both now helpless pawns in Polina’s game.
We mean nothing to her, and she’d have no remorse for either of us ending up in a body bag.
My fingers pull against my necklace, feeling the cool chain run against my skin.
I thought I’d never have to use this.
But I guess I’m not immortal.
It’s my own fault. I got careless and sloppy, and now because of me, my child will pay the price.
Tears streak down my cheeks as I realize a heartbreaking irony. I always wanted to be a mother more than anything in the world. And now, my one and only act of motherhood will be to save my child from a monster…before I even get to hold my baby.
And then there’s Roman.
The only man who ever really loved me.
He will scour the earth for me. I know it.
My chest tightens, thinking about him searching every darkened corner for me, never to find me. The hopelessness he will feel. The uncertainty, and doubt, wondering if maybe I just left him once again.
It breaks my heart knowing my disappearance will break his.
He was the only man who ever made me feel alive. The only man who made me happier than I’ve ever felt, even happier than when I took out monsters.
I pull my legs into my chest, resting my head on my knees, the heartbreak consuming me, as I sob softly to myself.
I’m playing with my necklace as Leigh returns with a large glass of water, which she places on the floor in front of me.
“For what it’s worth, I am sorry that I can’t help you more,” she whispers, her eyes misting with tears as she looks at me.
When I say nothing, she sighs heavily, and turns on her heel to leave.
“Could you pass someone a message for me?”I ask, my voice quietly echoing off the walls.
“Um, I can try.”
“Could you tell Roman…” I trail off, my voice cracking.
No. I have to try.
Mustering my courage, I take a deep breath and continue.
“Tell him I don’t hate him… tell him I…” I pause, biting my lip and lowering my gaze from hers. “Fuck. He knows, he’s always known.”
Leigh stares at me, her eyes soft and sad before nodding slowly.
“Yes,” she whispers. “I’ll find a way to tell him. You have my word. You’re going to be okay, you know?”
I hum quietly to myself.
And without another word, she bangs on the door, and walks out of the room, leaving me alone in the silence.
Rubbing my hand on my stomach, over the bump that hasn’t even formed, my heart shatters.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, tears streaking down my cheeks once more. “You have no idea how much I want to meet you. To see you smile. And your father…well, he would’ve loved you. So much.”
Reaching my hands around my neck I unclasp my necklace, the chain running across my palm as I untangle it from my hair. I twist it gently between my fingers, feeling the capsule unscrew.