Page 23 of Songs of Sacrament
“What do you want from me?”
“Fear.”
I sank my feet against the silty ground and nodded. “All right.”
The world disappeared again, and I stood as a young child, my fingers sticky and small. I had to lift my chin to take in the adults who stood at a distance before me. A woman sat on an intricately designed throne, her arms laden with bracelets, a jewel resting against her forehead. “Queen Carrington, to what do I owe this honor?”
I startled as the other woman rose from her bow, her golden hair rippling over her shoulders. “Thank you for agreeing to see me quietly, Maharani.”
“Of course. I look forward to continuing our conversations. I hope all is well for you.”
The memory was fuzzy on the edges, shadows swallowing most of the scenery. Only the Maharani, her golden throne, and the tiles my mother stood on showed clearly. Mother’s face dashed in my direction, but her gaze passed through me. “Not in a manner of speaking. I’m afraid I didn’t come today to continue our discussion about reuniting the fae courts. In fact, my request is personal. I came to ask help from one of your healers.”
The Maharani’s eyes tightened. “You wish for the use of magic?”
Mother’s cheeks darkened with color, but she nodded. “Yes.”
“What for?”
“I’ve not been able to conceive another child.” My heart stopped pounding, and I tried to jerk myself forward, but my feet remained firmly stuck on the tile floor. No. This was the moment where I lost her.
“Ah.” The Maharani’s grip tightened on her throne’s armrest. “A difficult and dangerous wish, Margaret. Many have tried and very few succeed.”
“Please, Niru. I’m strong. I can handle it. You must understand my desires. You have three healthy children yourself. Would you steal the same joy from me? If you knew my boy—Lennox—you would see he’s different.” She pressed her fingers over her waist. “The Seelie’s future—the Prasanna’s future—rests on this. I can raise my children to be different. That would help bring the changes we’ve discussed.”
The Maharani sighed.
The image shifted. Mother stood in a darkened room and stumbled several steps forward, her face wrenched with pain.
“Mother,” I yelled and tried to run towards her, but I remained frozen though I thrust my small arms out.
She hit her knees and coughed, blood speckling her gown.
“Mother!”
She shuddered as she hit the ground, her head hitting the stone with a crack that ricocheted through me.
“No!”
I blinked and I stood on the bank of the river again, trembling as I took several steps back from the water. The Naga’s tattoos glowed as his eyes lit up. He handed me a gem, and I struggled to grasp it. That had felt like the epitome of my entire life captured in a moment. Me hurting those I loved, unable to do anything useful to help, and standing by as the worst happened. I wondered what Mother’s last thoughts were, if they had drifted to me—her son who was as useless as he’d been in that vision.
“Lennox of the Seelie,” the Naga addressed me. For a moment I’d nearly forgotten he still remained there, a mass of muscles hovering above the dark river.
I wiped sweat off my brow. “Yes?”
“I like you as much as I like Sai.” He plunged back into the water and the ripples swallowed his form.
I stumbled back and pressed my hand against a tree. The memory of Mother dying and suffering alone, and me frozen in place, unable to do anything about it, lingered. Lightheadedness swept over me, stealing my vision for a moment. I hadn’t eaten despite telling Aila I would. I walked over to my bag and pulled out a bundle she’d packed. I peeled away the string as I sat on the bank and rested it on my thigh. The hand pies inside slipped along the fabric, and I grabbed one before pushing the rest back together. My stomach rumbled, but the taste of it in my mouth made me gag. I choked down the bite, considered taking another, then sighed and wrapped it back up.
Eating was another thing I couldn’t manage since my time with Shaan. Food no longer tasted the same, and guilt ate away at me, leaving my stomach twisted.
No matter. I needed to focus on making it to the Prasanna palace. As I looped the stringed jewel the Naga had given me over my head I returned the food to my pack and slung it back onto the kelpie. I’d have to either keep the creature glamoured or abandon it at some point, preferably in the care of someone. I couldn’t leave it with a human, though. Once the glamour wore off, Seelie guards would punish anyone with a kelpie in their possession.
I’d have to add that to my list of concerns for later. I took a deep breath and swung onto the back of the creature before urging it into the waters towards the Prasanna palace.
CHAPTERNINE
NEIA