Page 14 of Paying The Vampire
“Indeed. We found that our human companions did not always acclimatize to life here as well as we would have hoped.”
“So what do I do with this? Just knock it back?”
“Half a vial should be enough to last you a day. You may still feel hunger pangs at first, but that will only be until your body rids itself of its habits. Much of hunger is our body falling into a routine. If you eat at the same time every day then eventually your body will start to show signs of hunger because it is used to receiving food at that time, not necessarily because it is actually hungry. If we can make the body relearn these habits then we do not need to be slaves to our impulses.”
“Is that what you were? A slave to your impulses?” I asked. A strange look came over his face. There was something that I had been wondering about. “Cassius, there is something personal that I would like to ask you. I hope that you don’t take this personally, but I was just wondering what you do for sustenance? I mean, I know what vampires are supposed to eat, but there’s not much of that around here…”
He bowed his head. “There were efforts made to cure the hunger. Many of us hated how enslaved we were to our needs, but unfortunately it has been a part of our condition. We can no more get rid of our hunger than we can the fangs. However, there were strides made in suppressing it. There is a potion I use to help stave off the worse effects, and when those fail… well… there are still creatures in this world.”
“And when those creatures die out too? I suppose I’m just wondering if there’s ever a point where I’ll be on the menu.”
He looked properly shocked at the suggestion. “I would never do such a thing. I did not bring you here just to ready you as a meal. Not all vampires are the same. Some of us find what we do distasteful. It is just that we do not have a choice. We rarely have a choice,” he grew quiet as he said this, before he turned and looked at the rest of the laboratory. “Unfortunately I was never inclined towards science. It was an area in which I would never excel and I have not been able to continue any of the experiments. I have always been afraid that at some point I will blow up the castle,” he laughed mirthlessly. “I would also advise you to be careful when coming down here because some of the potions might have adverse effects. I would not try anything until speaking to me first.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” I said. It took a lot for me to trust him with this strange concoction. For all I knew it was some strange thing to make me conducive to suggestion. However, I had no reason to suspect him and given what the alternative was to this I decided to knock it back. The potion was bitter and made me gag. I had always been told that the most effective medicines tasted horrible, and I hoped that this held true for this one as well. It was so thick that I could almost feel it trickling down my gullet, settling in my stomach like tar.
While I drank it, Cassius gathered a few of these vials into a cloth pouch that had pockets for each vial. He handed this to me as I tried to process the taste.
“This is horrible,” I groaned.
“I’m sure that you will get used to it,” he replied. I wasn’t sure I wanted to, but in a world as barren and dangerous as this I could not rely on hunting. After this he suggested that we head to the library and begin the search for the wolf inside me. I knew he did not have anything but disdain for wolves, but the fact he was willing to help me explore this side of myself showed that he did respect me, and went a long way to endear me to him. Although this castle was dreary and foreboding I found the company enlightening, and it helped to make this world seem a little brighter.
Chapter Eleven
Cassius
Willow was so dazzling that I almost had to turn away from her, afraid that in her presence I would turn to dust. The sun had grown so weak in this land and so covered with the rolling mist that I never had to worry about it, but she reminded me of the sun in its prime, bursting with energy and life. I almost felt ashamed that she had to spend her days here with me instead of in some place that was teeming with life, a place where she could be free to explore her effervescence.
We walked up to the library. It was in one wing of the castle and there were plenty of windows dotted around the walls, allowing the pale light to shine through. The room smelled musty as all of the books were old. There were tables placed in between the shelves, and tall pillars stood in the middle of the room, around which were places for torches. Willow was wide eyed as she walked in.
“Where are we supposed to start?” she asked.
“Well, there’s history over there, or magic items over there, or a bestiary towards the rear of the room. I would suggest you pick a shelf and start looking to see if any of them pique your attention,” I said. We veered off in opposite directions, walking among the shelves, our gazes wandering over the spines of books. Some of them were faded, while others were still in good condition.
“I guess I can see one way you can spend your time here. You must have read all these books by now,” Willow said. Her words echoed around the chamber. I laughed as I thought of the past, when I had been shushed for the barest hint of a whisper. If the old librarian had been here now then she would have had a fit to hear Willow speaking so brazenly. It still seemed wrong somehow, as though there was an inviolable rule about this place that nobody should speak too loudly.
“I haven’t quite managed to read all of them yet, no, but I have tried to make great progress. If I’m honest there are some that are not worth reading at all. I’ve opened them up and put them back on the shelf not long after cracking open the pages.”
“Why do you keep them here then?”
I paused before I answered. “Most of them are unique. If I got rid of them then the only copy of them would be destroyed. I can’t bring myself to do that.”
“Cassius,” she said after some time. Her footsteps echoed around the room. Mine were much lighter. “How old are you?”
I had been wondering how long it would take her to ask that question. I was surprised it hadn’t been the first thing she asked me. My stomach turned as I thought about the answer. How old was she, barely twenty? Oh to be that young again… to her I must have been like a decrepit old man, a part of the ancient world that should have died a long time ago.
“I stopped counting a long time ago,” I replied with halting words.
“But surely you must have kept track of it for a while. Are you over a hundred?” she asked.
I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. “Well over a hundred Willow. I’m older than some worlds. I have seen the sun rise and fall so many times that I have lost sight of the beauty of it. The roots of my soul have stretched down into the depths of this world and anchored me to it, and I long ago lost the ability to dream. I have been alive for too long. Nobody should ever live as long as I have.”
She stopped pacing for a moment. I wasn’t sure if she was thinking about my words or had found a book that caught her attention.
“I think you’re lucky. I was always taught that life is short and that you should make the most of it while you can, and that it’s far too easy to let things slip away. There seems to be so much to do and see, so much to feel… how can anyone fit all that into one lifetime?”
“Eventually you can, and when things stop becoming new to you it becomes more difficult to find the enthusiasm and surprise. The days blend into each other and become one long nightmare that you can never wake from, and all the time you are waiting for a release yet dreading it at the same time. I have met many people who have envied us for our immortality, yet I knew every vampire has never cherished it. In fact it is one of the reasons why we had to turn people, because we did not want to be alone.”
“And one of the reasons why you brought me here,” she said. She was perceptive. But what she said next caused a lump to form in my throat and tension rippled all through me. “Cassius, were you born a vampire, or do you remember a time before you were turned?”