Page 56 of Love You Already

I don't confirm his opinion on the subject just yet. Deep down, I know I love Lachlan with everything I have. I know he's it for me and that there isn't anyone else on this earth I could imagine spending my life with.

But there's another part of me that doesn't want to accept those thoughts and feelings. It can't deal with the idea of one day losing him or him losing me. It doesn't want to face his fame and what will come with it in the fall. In my mind, I have a number of things working against us. I can't bring myself to tell him how I feel just yet.

“Sometimes you get this look on your face, and I can't help but see my Julia in you,” Daddy whispers fondly. I close my eyes as the pain of it all moves through me.

“I'm sorry, Daddy. If I could go back, I'd give her back to you. I swear I would.”

Tears well as the emotion tears me apart inside. I hate this feeling, this guilt I have. I survived somehow, yet she didn't. Me, the feeble newborn who against the odds, shouldn't have, but did.

“Rosie! Don't you dare say something like that. I loved your mother with my whole being, and I knew her like the back of my hand. Do you know what she'd want? She'd want you to live. She'd want her memory, her traits to keep on moving through this life in everything you do. She would have been devastated to lose you. I think it all went exactly how it was supposed to.”

I shake my head as I wipe away the tears pouring down. “How can you look at me and not hate me? I took her from you.”

He pulls me into his chest. My sobs come hard and heavy then. It's the comfort of my family, the familiarity of this place. My childhood home. I've cried over boys here, cried when I got my first period. This couch in particular has been through the wringer of my emotions. I shouldn't be surprised to have it all come out today as well.

“Listen to me, sweetie. I could never and will never hate you. I look at you and see the blessing your mother granted me. I got nearly twenty amazing years with her before it ended, and I'd relive it all if it led me straight back here to you and to your siblings. This life isn't forever. Loving folks is one of the greatest gifts we have. I don't see losing her as a bad thing. It's just another part of life I had to go through. My only regret is that you never got to meet her. She would have loved you so much you'd be more spoiled than you already were.”

I shove at his chest as I laugh. “I'm not spoiled.”

He hums. “Sure, you aren't. All those times you snuck into competitions with those boys and got away with it. Why do you think that was? You aren't the best con artist in the world. Never have been. That's how I knew Lachlan was the one when he showed up here.”

“What do you mean? That was an accident. We were tricked...”

“But were you really, Rosie? You might have thought you were pretending, but would you have stood up there and played along with anyone you couldn't picture some kind of future with? Would you be playing house with that man and giving him all your heart if you didn't think there could be forever?”

I shrug as I turn my head away from him to avoid his stare. Big mistake, since the only other thing to focus on is the array of photos laid out.

One in particular grabs my attention. “What's this?” I ask as I pick up the photo.

Daddy smiles softly as he leans into my shoulder to look closer. “This was the night we met.”

I gasp. “You have a picture from that night?”

“Sure do. It was the county fair, and my buddy Micah was obsessed with cameras. Bridgett has nothing on the love Micah had for wanting to preserve history. He catalogued the entire day, including the moment I approached a sweet-looking girl in the Ferris wheel line and asked her to ride with me. She was in a blue jean mini skirt with a mile of leg showing. My teenage boy mind couldn't see anything else.

“Weeks later, when we'd been talking continuously since that night, I told Micah she was my forever. He pulled out this photo from his collection and told me to keep it. I couldn't thank him enough for giving me the memory to hold on to.”

The photo captures the story perfectly. I see a younger version of him saddled up next to a gorgeous young girl. She looks at him like he is the most interesting attraction in the park and he, well, he's definitely got an eye for her legs.

I give a watery laugh at the simplicity of it all. “I'm glad you have this moment too. Do you have more pictures from this time?”

For some odd reason, seeing her young and thriving doesn't hurt as much. Maybe because it's far enough away from the eventual end of her life that I don't connect the dots. The guilt doesn't come as easily with this version of her.

“Sure thing, sweetie. How much time you got?”

I pull out my phone and shoot a text to Mel asking her to cover the first hour of my shift for a bonus and a weekend off. She agrees quickly.

“Thanks to Mel, you've got two hours. What can you fit in there?” I scoot closer to him on the couch.

He places the first date picture down to pick up another. This story is different, yet with the same premise. He was head over heels and ready to tie the knot basically from the start. One after another, he catalogues their early years together. I don't have to explain to him that I don't want any from later when they start having children for him to avoid that era. My daddy is pretty good at picking up feelings that way.

Our time together passes quickly, and sooner than I'd like, I'm having to tell him goodbye. He grabs my hand before I can stand from the couch.

“Yeah?”

“I'm going to say this, and then I'll let you go. Please don't be mad at me for stepping over where I maybe shouldn't. It's really hard not to when I see my child going through something I can help with, or at least, I feel like I've got some wisdom in.”

“You're kind of freaking me out here. Is something wrong?” My pulse spikes at the idea of losing him too. I couldn't fathom the pain it would bring.