Page 57 of Love You Already

“Woah! No, Rosie. Nothing like that. I simply wanted to plant a seed with you. I have a feeling some of your hesitation to settle with Lachlan more permanently might be because of your mom and I, what we went through. Specifically, me losing her.”

I shake my head, the truth too close to the surface. “Daddy —”

“Just let me get this out, sweetie.” He takes a deep breath. “Lachlan is an amazing man. I couldn't have picked a better suitor for you even if I'd tried. Besides that, I think that you are good for him too. The pair of you were meant to be. And letting your fear of what if stop you from experiencing love and happiness the way you should is a crime. Stop hiding behind your excuses. Let love lead you.”

“But what if something happened to me? How could I let him go through that one day? He deserves more.”

“He deserves you, Rose. He deserves the woman he chose, the woman he chooses, to spend his life with. The woman he wants to build a family with. Don't let fear drive you apart. If Lachlan knew the truth, I bet he'd still choose every day he'd get with you over whatever inevitable end you've built up in your mind. We don't have a choice of when we leave this earth, but we do have a choice of what we do with the time we have on it. Choose wisely, sweetie.”

With that last bit of wisdom, he kisses the side of my head and releases my hand. I stand on shaky legs as I take off for work. The entire night my mind circles around thoughts of my daddy's words. It's not obvious to everyone around me since I'm a pro at covering up how I feel. But there's a cloud around me I can't shake. One I don't know how to.

It's not until my shift ends at three in the morning that I realize exactly what I need to do. The drive back to the ranch goes as usual, except when I get home, I don't go inside. I'm sure Lachlan is already asleep, so I grab my bike and take off down the familiar path down the back of the property. When I'm about a mile down from the house, I turn off into the line of trees and park my bike.

A small headstone sits next to a clearing in the trees. It reads: Julia Wright. Beloved wife and mother. Friend to all.

I sink down to my knees in front of the words. My fingers trace over each letter as I let the emotions I'm feeling break loose. The truth pours out before I can stop it.

“I'm scared, Mama. This is hard. So, so hard. And I don't know what I'm supposed to do.”

My thoughts are a jumble. I don't know where to start or even how to do this. I've visited Mama's grave site a few times over the years. It's usually only when I feel a need to be close to her, and I don't want to bother the others. Today feels different though.

“He's good to me. The best, really. And I can't deny the feelings I have for him are stronger than friendship. Daddy said he thinks I'm holding back because of you two and what happened. I don't... I ... Ok, it's probably true,” I say with a watery laugh. “But how else am I supposed to be? I can't picture putting Lachlan through this. I don't want to hurt him. I don't want him to have me and then lose me. It's not fair.”

Giving him up is still him losing you.

The errant thought hits me like a slap in the face. I should have considered it before now. Should have connected the dots.

If I give him up now, if I give up on us, then I'm still hurting him. He'll still lose me, and worse, he'll have to go on with life knowing I'm building mine with someone else. I'd have to know he's with someone else. With the way Beckett keeps up with hockey, I have no doubt he'd be clued in the second Lachlan started dating someone. And if they got married and had kids?

Pain radiates through my chest. I gasp as I grab the spot, my fingers rubbing over it to ease the ache.

No. No, I can't let that happen.

I love Lachlan Matthews, and his future is with me. I won't give up on us that easily.

With that fortifying thought, I press a kiss to my fingers, then press them to stone. “Thank you, Mama. I love you, and I miss you.”

Each step I take away from her feels less like leaving her behind and more like taking her with me. I'm using her life as an example of how I should be brave. Of how love, no matter how long it lasts, is worth taking the leap for.

CHAPTER 28

WE ALWAYS KNEW IT WOULD HAPPEN.

Lachlan

Captain Sam

We need you back this week. Preferably tomorrow. Coach says there's some big news and changes coming. Sorry, bro.

I stare at the text on my phone as I sit on the edge of the bed. Rose lays behind me, her body tucked tight into my pillow, her breaths even and deep. She's deep asleep, completely unaware that life is changing for us yet again.

Lachlan

I'll be there. Thanks.

Somehow, I have to explain to my wife that I've got to pack up and leave two weeks before we'd been planning. The days of us cuddling on the couch together and watching movies have to leave to make way for team meetings and practice. No more surprise visits to Sips to check her out in her element. No working together on the ranch as we make fun of Beckett and tease Bridgett when she gets excited about a photograph she caught.

I'm losing my family. Losing them to the responsibilities of my job. Doesn't make it hurt any less.