Page 25 of His Long-Lost Baby
“Let me guess.” Carlos looks up at the sky. “You’d bed her once or twice and then move on, and then try to tell yourself your feelings for her mean nothing.”
I scowl at him.
“James.” He gives me a serious look. “It’s okay to be afraid to get close to someone. After the way we grew up…”
He trails off, and my throat tightens.
“You did well for yourself, though,” I say. “You have a wonderful family.”
“Yeah.” He studies my face. “Don’t you want that?”
“I…” The lump in my throat only gets bigger.
I’d really like to change the subject.
Luckily, right then the kids burst through the sliding glass door and onto the patio. Manny and Alex are little tornadoes disguised as humans. They catapult past us, knocking over a lawn chair in the process.
“We wanna play in the hose!” Manny yells.
Carlos grins and stands up. “Go ahead, guys. Just don’t get the adults wet, okay?”
They nod eagerly and run off towards the hose, giggling and screaming. I watch them go, feeling a sense of warmth in my chest.
“Hope I didn’t chew you out too hard,” Carlos says.
I shake my head. “No, it’s fine. I needed someone to talk to about this.”
“I get it. It’s tough when you don’t really know what you want or how to get it.”
“Yeah,” I say, staring down at the label on my beer bottle once again. “I just wish things were simpler sometimes.”
“Me too, man,” Carlos says, clapping me on the back. “But life isn’t like that. Sometimes you just have to take a risk and see where it takes you.”
I nod, but I don’t feel any different. I have no issues taking risks when it comes to business. Without that tenacity I wouldn’t be where I am today.
When it comes to something like this, though, it’s a different story.
Am I really just a serial dater who breaks hearts? The thought doesn’t sit well with me. Maybe it’s time to take a step back and reevaluate my priorities. Maybe it’s time to figure out what I really want in life.
But then again, Billie keeps popping up in my mind. It’s like I can’t escape her, even when I try. And when I do think about her, my heart beats just a little bit faster.
I take a swig of my beer, trying to push the thoughts away. But once something is in my head it takes up permanent residence.
Maybe Carlos is right. Maybe I am a serial dater. Maybe I just go out with women for the sake of it, not because I’m genuinely interested in them.
I’m not in the right headspace for a relationship, and if I keep going down this path, I’ll just hurt more people.
But that doesn’t mean I don’t crave companionship. I want someone to talk to, someone to share my life with. But not someone who will just fall in love with me because of my job or my looks.
I look up and meet Carlos’s gaze. There’s a softness in his eyes that catches me off guard. “You okay?” he asks.
I nod, not trusting myself to speak.
“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?” he says, his voice gentle.
I manage a small smile. “Yeah, I know. Thanks, man.”
We sit in silence for a few minutes, the sound of the kids playing in the background. The sun is setting, casting a warm orange glow on everything around us. It’s a beautiful evening, and I’m in one of my favorite places with my favorite people.