Page 16 of Voyeur
“Everyone’s different,” Silver told her. “I once met a woman who didn’t come out until she was fifty-two, and another who was in her sixties. No shame in it.”
“You met a woman?”
“Yeah, your thinking is accurate: I slept with her. The first one. She was great in bed, too. The other woman is now her girlfriend. They met after we did our thing. And no, I didn’t sleep with both of them together or her girlfriend.”
“I wasn’t going to ask,” Honor replied.
“My point is that all that really matters is that you’re happy being who you are, right?”
“Yes.”
“So, did you come out for someone? You’re not in a relationship now, but were you?”
“No,” Honor said quickly. “I’ve never even dated a woman. I haven’t had the courage yet.”
“Never?”
“No.”
“You don’t seem like the kind of person who just has sex with anyone, given how you ran out on me tonight, so I’m guessing that means you’ve never…”
Honor shook her head from side to side and asked herself, “Why am I telling you this?”
“I just have one of those faces, I think,” Silver joked, and that joke earned her a laugh. “Wow!”
“What?” Honor asked.
“Your laugh,” Silver said. “It’s nice.”
While she did talk a big game about being embarrassed, Silver couldn’t help when it managed its way in. She just didn’t let it get to her. This time, she was embarrassed because she’d said the word wow to refer to Honor’s cute little laugh.
“Oh. Thanks,” Honor said. “Um… No, I’ve never been with a woman. Only men.”
“Doldrums?” Silver guessed.
“Yes. But I didn’t realize why it always felt like something I had to do and wasn’t really something I wanted to do. I think that’s because of what you said earlier.”
“Which part?”
“The part where you mentioned how people talk about sex like it’s something they have to do and not something they want to do. That’s just so pervasive – I hear that all the time. You see it online and watch it on TV and in movies where women are talking about how their husbands want sex, and they don’t, so they fake sleep or a headache.”
Silver laughed and said, “I can honestly say I’ve never faked any of that or that other thing women sometimes fake.”
“But it’s so out there, isn’t it? This idea that sex is more enjoyable for men, so women just have to endure it?”
“Yes, it is.”
“So, that’s what I thought.”
“When you had sex with a guy?”
“Yes. I thought it was something I should do because we’re dating or we’re in a relationship, and he wants it, so I should just do it. I’m supposed to like it, right?”
“Hopefully, yes.”
“Well, no man has ever made me–” Honor stopped herself and met Silver’s eyes. “You know.”
“Come?”