Page 73 of Devoured By You
Thank fuck she was behaving as she always had. I didn’t expect everyone who’d known me when I was a complete man to do the same, and I was prepared for it. Prepared to rip them a new fucking asshole.
“Paella?” Renata made the best seafood paella outside of Spain.
She nodded.
“You know the way to my heart, Renata. If you weren’t already married, I’d marry you in a heartbeat.”
She blushed, casting a nervous glance at Jill as if she was expecting a standoff, which was actually pretty funny, considering Renata was old enough to be my grandmother.
See? I could still find humor in shit, despite being a leg short.
“Oh, shush. Let’s get you inside and fed.”
Renata loved to stuff food down people. I swore it was one of the main reasons my family visited. They knew they’d leave with full stomachs.
I reached for Jill’s hand as Mara pushed me inside. My house looked different from down here. I felt small, vulnerable, fucking helpless. The humor I’d congratulated myself on fled, a cloud of doom descending as my eyes went to the sweeping staircase leading to the second floor. Would I have to install an elevator just to get around my own fucking house? The mere thought sent me spiraling into depression.
“You okay?” Jill squeezed my hand.
I forced a smile I didn’t feel. “Peachy.”
Her brow furrowed, but she said nothing as Mara wheeled me into the kitchen. Renata had laid on a feast, but as the smell of chorizo and prawns and spicy rice wafted over, my stomach roiled.
“Y’know, I am pretty tired. I think I’ll take a nap.”
“We’ve converted the room next to your study into a bedroom,” Renata announced, beaming as if it were good news.
It was the worst fucking news.
I knew it’d be like this, but faced with the reality, I felt as if someone had walloped me in the face with a baseball bat. In the hospital, I could pretend that it’d all be fine.
It wouldn’t be fine. My life had irrevocably changed, and there was nothing I could do about it.
“I’ll take him.” Jill moved behind me. “If you can just point me in the right direction.”
“Down the hall and to the left,” I said, my voice as gloomy as my thoughts.
Jill didn’t speak as we traversed the marble flooring, the wheels of my chair moving with ease. At least I didn’t have carpeting throughout the ground floor. That would make it easier to move about. I did not plan on being pushed everywhere. Not a fucking chance.
As we passed my study, I held up a hand. “I’ve changed my mind.” Grabbing the rails on the sides of the wheels, I twisted my head to glance up at Jill. “I can take it from here. I have work to do.”
I needed to call the families of the deceased. I’d wanted to do it in the hospital, but they’d had enough to cope with in managing their terrible grief and the accompanying funerals. But I had a duty of care, and regardless of my health problems, I intended to carry it out to the fullest.
“Blay.” She crouched beside me, much as one would to a child. “I’m worried about you.”
My face felt frozen, as if I’d been Botoxed to within an inch of my life. “Don’t be.” Wheeling myself inside, I pushed the door shut behind me harder than I’d intended, slamming it in Jill’s face. I’d caught her crumpled expression moments before the thick oak wood had separated us.
A twinge of guilt twanged my insides. The very last person who deserved my ire was the woman I loved. The woman who’d stood by me despite knowing me less than a month. The woman who’d been nothing but kind and caring and a fucking angel throughout this entire shit show.
The woman I still hadn’t confessed my feelings to. But nor had she confessed hers to me. It was as if we were both walking a line, unsure of which way to jump and determined to keep our options open.
I maneuvered myself behind my desk and booted up my computer. While I waited, I phoned Carly. My assistant answered on the second ring.
“Blaize. I’m glad you called. Are you home now?”
I’d hardly talked to Carly while in the hospital, preferring to text. She knew me too well, and I’d been afraid she’d see through my “I’m fine” charade to the gut-wrenching fear that threatened to overwhelm me every time I thought about the future. Not just my personal challenges, but also my business. On each occasion I spoke to Dad, he glossed over the problems that had arisen, assuring me all was well and being handled.
By him, not me.