Page 76 of Devoured By You
“Scarlett,” I prompted. “Bet you never expected her to turn up here out of the blue.”
“No.” He stared out the window again.
“It’s a lovely day with a pleasant breeze. I think you should get out of here for a bit. We could go out for lunch, maybe. I’m starved.”
A muscle beat in his cheek. “No.”
“Blay, come on. It isn’t healthy to lock yourself away. Or me, for that matter.” I flashed a grin to convey I was only joking.
“No one is forcing you to stay here. You’re free to leave at any time.”
I gasped. “Are you fucking kidding me right now? I’m trying to help you.”
“I don’t want your help. Go sell that shit somewhere else.” He maneuvered his chair, giving me his back.
My mouth gaped open. He’d shown Scarlett kindness and respect, and I got an attitude. In my opinion, that was the wrong fucking way around.
“Fine.” I marched to the door, wrenching it open. I got halfway through when he spoke.
“Don’t go, Tilly.”
His voice broke. I spun around. His eyes glistened, filled to the brim with tears.
“I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that. You don’t deserve any of this.” He covered his face with his hands. “I don’t know what to do.”
I raced to him, dropping to my knees and threading my fingers into his hair as I held him close. He shook in my arms.
“Blay, listen to me. I know you don’t want to talk this through with a stranger, but a therapist might be the answer. Someone who isn’t emotionally attached who can help you work through all this.”
“No therapist.” He gritted the words through clenched teeth. “I don’t need a therapist.”
I wasn’t an expert in mental health, but in my opinion, a therapist could work wonders on his state of mind. But if he kept on insisting he didn’t need therapy, there wasn’t much I could do to persuade him otherwise.”
“Then shout and scream at me all you like, but as long as you want me here, then here is where I’ll be.”
“All of this is my fault.”
“No.” I reared back, cupping his cheeks and forcing him to meet my gaze. “None of this is your fault. Why would you think that?”
“Because my company hired that technician. Our background checks should have revealed the extent of his gambling but didn’t. The badge scanners went down the day before we sailed, which should have alerted me to a weakness in the system, but I was so fucking determined this would be a success that I ignored the warning signs. People died because I didn’t do my fucking job.”
My heart cracked like a dry riverbed. Blay was a proud man who shouldered everyone’s responsibilities, even when they weren’t his to bear. But this… I refused to let him take the blame for a toxic relationship that had turned sourer than anyone would have foreseen.
“Blay, you’re reaching and coming to a nonsensical conclusion. You couldn’t have known. And even if your checks had uncovered the fact that the man had a gambling addiction, does that mean he shouldn’t be hirable? Of course not. Everyone deserves to contribute as long as they can do the job they’re being paid for, no matter their personal demons. You’re just as much of a victim as the others. You couldn’t have anticipated this, nor should you put that expectation on yourself. The fault lies with Jeremy and the fuckwit who fired the gun.” And maybe Scarlett a bit, although I didn’t say that. “IT breaks, Blay. The issue with the scanners before we set sail and what the technician did were separate events. Stop blaming yourself, or…”
“Or what?” Fear laced his voice.
“Or you might end up falling too far, and it’s a hell of a rough road back.”
He gave a heavy, thoughtful sigh. “I hear you.”
I wasn’t sure he did, but that wouldn’t stop me from repeating the same things over and over until he believed them in his heart.
Getting up, I bent over and kissed his forehead. “How about that lunch?”
His lips curved on one side. “On the patio?”
I’d take it. It was an improvement over the last couple of days. “Sounds great to me.”