Page 77 of Devoured By You
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Blay’s moods changed from day to day, hour to hour. Each time we came into contact, I braced myself, watching him like a hawk, reading his body language before I spoke. It was like walking blindfolded around a house scattered with eggshells and trying not to stand on any. I was edgy for another reason, too. Yesterday, a week after we’d returned to Miami, I’d plucked up the courage to email my editor and break the news that I wouldn’t make my editing deadline, and I completely understood if they wanted to drop me. If I were them, I would. They were running a business, not a charity.
Whatever happened, I’d have to deal. I didn’t have the spoons to devote to rewriting that hunk of a mess. All my energy went into bolstering Blay’s spirits and supporting him in the best way I could. So far, she hadn’t replied. I kept refreshing my inbox, my heart hammering each time a raft of emails came through before my stomach sank when there wasn’t one from her.
The not knowing was far worse than the waiting. If I got dropped, then at least I’d be able to plan for the future, albeit a different one than I’d anticipated. I could easily go back to self-publishing. I’d done it successfully for years, and it wasn’t as if I’d starve. I had savings to tide me over until I could muster the enthusiasm to write and start putting books out there again.
My phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out, a smile forming.
“Hey, you.”
“Jilly.” Addison’s bright voice widened my smile. “How are you holding up?”
All three of my friends had called or messaged me every day since they’d flown home from the Bahamas on planes chartered by Kingcaid Cruises after the police impounded the ship. Considering I’d been confined to Blay’s hospital room and now his house, they were my connection to normalcy. None of them had broached the subject of why I’d given up my life for a man I’d only met a few short weeks ago, because they knew me. They knew I’d fallen so deeply in love that the idea of leaving him was repellent. The thought hadn’t ever crossed my mind, and no matter how tough things got, I was in this for the long haul.
“Good days and bad days.”
“And what is today?”
“Half and half.” I laughed, but it sounded hollow. “I don’t actually think in full days anymore. More like moment to moment.”
“You’re breaking my heart, Jill.”
I pressed my knuckles to my chest and rubbed. “I miss you. I miss you all.”
“We’re here. You say the word and one or all of us will descend on Casa Kingcaid in a heartbeat.”
“I know. But you have your jobs and your lives.”
“So? You’d do the same for us.”
Yeah. I would.
“Don’t be a hero, Jill. For one thing, you don’t have the boobs for the Wonder Woman outfit.”
I laughed properly for the first time in ages. “And for the other thing?”
“Ah, who cares? It’s all about the boobs.”
I laughed again. “I love you.”
“Same, girl. Same. So, tell me. How is he?”
I sighed, my stomach dropping and the moment of levity vanishing. “One minute, he’s like the guy I fell in love with. The next, he’s snappy, and vicious with it.”
“And knowing you, you’re absorbing the punches rather than swinging and landing a few of your own.”
“What else can I do, Adds? He’s grieving, not just for what’s happened to him, but for the impact on the company. He’s taken the entire blame on his shoulders, no matter how much I try to tell him it isn’t his fault.”
“Have you tried calling his family? Asking them to have a word.”
“No. I think he’d go nuts if I did that.”
“Well, keep it on the back burner. You’re no one’s punching bag, Jill. Not even a man who’s as hurt as Blaize. Remember that.”
I nodded, even though she couldn’t see me. “I will.”
“Don’t shoot the messenger, but… do you still love him?”