Page 16 of Blackout

‘My man, I’m not so sure about that.’ I was caught off guard by the question. ‘Maybe something country.’ I turned to Zach, and his eyes pierced me. Maybe he didn’t know any country music. Maybe I could school him, but that wouldn’t be tonight. ‘But if he’s not up for something country, there is one song,’ I said, ‘that I would like to hear.’ I leaned over and whispered into Zach’s ear, ‘“Bow River,” and not the Cold Chisel version either. I want a laid-back version like Troy Cassar-Daley.’

I busied myself with another drink while I let my whispered words hang in Zach’s ear. As I brought my cup to my lips to soothe my parched throat, Zach’s jaw tensed. I guess he hadn’t quite gotten used to me whispering in his ear. His expression hadn’t changed, though. Was he always this cool under pressure? When I saw Zach’s fingers tune his guitar, I knew he was about to comply and sing the song I had chosen.

Zach sang the first verse acapella, and I couldn’t take my eyes off him. The intensity of his return gaze was what I got for putting him on the spot. Then Zach’s fingers moved along the guitar, and I heard the acoustic rhythm of the song. I melted in my seat. Zach’s eyes hadn’t left mine. He serenaded me, and once again I felt like it was just the two of us. As he built the song up, everyone joined in, including me and Brock with his guitar. When Zach got to the last verse of the song, my favourite part, he was singing again solo. Until I joined him to finish off the song.

I reached for Zach’s hand and mouthed a thank you, then turned my head to look out into the night. There was a dark figure moving towards the fire pit. I felt my heart start to race, and I panicked. What I saw look ethereal. Was my mind playing tricks on me? It couldn’t be my dad coming to watch me sing?

Someone had turned up late to the party, or was that someone uninvited? I didn’t know, he was just a figure in the darkness to me. When the light crossed over the man walking towards us, I saw his face. That man was not my dad, or ethereal, or even someone I wanted to know. What I couldn’t understand was why the mean son of a bitch was here.

This was too much. Last night and today had been too much. Too different to what I would normally do. I didn’t know how to cope with all of this. I hadn’t learnt how to deal with life when it became too much. That’s why my body had tensed, and I felt the darkness wash over me. My hand that rested on Zach’s leg tightened, and I thought maybe he had put his guitar down in time. God, I hope he caught me. I had no control now. It went all black, and all I heard were whispers of, ‘I got you, I got you.’

Seven

‘No, no, no.’ My eyes opened then I closed them just as quickly. Something wasn’t right; this was too strange to be comfortable. It had happened again. I wasn’t sure where I was this time or who I was even laying next to.

‘You’re okay, babe, I got you.’ That familiar voice. I opened my eyes to his touch on my face. Zach was propped up on his side next to me as I laid flat on my back. The words Zach said niggled at my brain as it tried to trigger a memory but didn’t quite get there; it was too much for me to handle right now.

‘Not again,’ I groaned out loud, and Zach’s eyes were on mine. He looked pained, and I knew my freak-out didn’t help. That was when I felt Zach roll me into him and put his arms around me. I now faced him. He moved me closer to him, and this was the closest we had ever been. I liked it; I felt safe like this.

‘Babe,’ Zach’s voice calmed me. I was here in his bed, his king bed. He’d caught me, and I felt a little better in his arms. ‘You’re okay.’

I stayed locked in his arms far longer than two people who had just met should be allowed to, but neither of us pulled away. I stayed there long enough for my heartrate to slow down.

I finally pulled back from his embrace and asked, ‘Your party?’ My hands were on Zach’s chest, but I didn’t want to look up.

‘We wrapped it up when you blacked out,’ Zach told me, and I was horrified that I had ended his party.

‘Why?’ I wasn’t completely sure I wanted to hear his answer. The dark figure I saw and the light across his face, why would he be here?

‘An uninvited guest showed up,’ Zach said as he touched my face, caressed my cheek, and pushed my hair from my face. ‘Brock, Adam, and a few others had to drag him off the property.’

‘Who?’ My voice was small, and when there was no answer, I asked again, a little louder this time. ‘Who was your uninvited guest, Zach?’

‘Why does it matter, Harley?’ Zach lifted my chin up so our eyes could meet.

‘Zach, please?’ I knew he wasn’t happy I pushed this.

‘This person who showed up, is he the reason you blacked out?’ Zach asked me like it was the most important question in the world that needed to be answered.

‘Yes. No.’ There were some things you just didn’t beat around the bush about. But it was clear I was making a mess of this. ‘It’s complicated.’ More so by my inability to handle my emotions.

For ten years I had stayed in my lane and not ventured out of it to cope with what I had lost. But I had ventured out of my lane two nights ago and now I was struggling to cope with breaking Groundhog Day.

Before I could work out what to say, Zach had asked me another question. ‘What does that mean, Harley?’

I didn’t think, I just blurted out. ‘It means driving 270-kilometres the night before, waking up in the hotel room yesterday and then the lead-up to singing around your fire last night was too much for me. I don’t do those things. I don’t know why I thought I could. I work until I’m completely exhausted and avoid any little trigger; otherwise, like last night, I black out. And when I wake up, I’m in a haze trying to piece together what happened.’

‘I shouldn’t have insisted you come with me yesterday,’ Zach whispered between us. ‘I’m sorry.’

Was the pain I could still see on Zach’s face a reflection of what was on my face. I wasn’t very good at handling moments like this and when my hand travelled up between us, I didn’t stop until it reached Zach’s jaw. There, my fingers caressed the stubble that was the making of his beard.

‘I was glad you did,’ I whispered back, then with as much confidence as I could muster, I said, ‘I was fine until I saw a dark figure coming towards us. I had already started to freak out and when the light shone across his face it was already too late as the darkness was closing in.’

‘Harley, the guy who showed up was Connor Black.’ Zach watched me closely. His brown eyes boring into my green ones.

‘Connor Black,’ I repeated, and all of a sudden, I was in a hurry. To get out of bed. Out of this house and out of my own way. I moved to get up, but before I even pushed the doona away, there was a hand around my wrist. ‘Zach.’ My heartrate was out of control again, and now I was breathless. I squeezed my eyes closed; I didn’t want to lose control again.

‘You know him?’ Zach’s grip on my wrist had eased.