Page 62 of Blackout

‘That’s great.’ Zach’s words felt like there was something else he wanted to know about.

‘It’s going to take some time for my family to get back to the way we were before my dad died, but we’ll get there. And thank you for the use of your container. It means a lot that Mum, Addison and I don't have to rush through sorting out our old belongings.’

‘Harley.’ My Christian name from his lips would always warn me not to play with him. I had avoided talking to Zach for long enough. ‘Why was Brad here?’

‘My mother made some changes to the James Family Trust.’ I told Zach. ‘In fact, my mother created a new trust just for me, and before my trust is finalised, the sale of the bungalow has to be settled.’

‘Your trust?’

I nodded my head. ‘All I have to do is sign the paperwork Brad left and send it back to him.’

‘What’s in your trust?’

‘Tell me, Zach. Did you know your house belonged to my family?’

‘Only when I signed the lease agreement.’ Zach took my hand. ‘When I was looking to move out of my parents’ house, I wanted somewhere quiet after a long day at work, and this house gave me that.’

‘My trust gives me my parents’ happy ever after. This house and Sweets Bakery in the main street.’

Relieved, Zach grabbed my body and rolled us around in the sand and tickled my body. Our laughter was music to my ears as it filled the air around us.

Thirty

Three months later

Today was another of Zach’s events. Today, like all events Zach put on, was a showcase of local talent. Of course I was stupid enough to allow myself to get dragged into this event and had agreed to sing. To think I was ready for this. With all the time in the world to practice, the songs I had learned for today were easy enough to get through when it was just me and the guitar. But in front of a crowd, nerves would be involved, and it wouldn’t be as easy to get through the songs. There was still a chance I could get emotional and fail miserably. But I couldn’t pull out now. I didn’t want to let Zach down.

My name had been called, and it was time for me to get up there and do my thing. I had three songs to play just like everyone else who would play today. So here I was, on stage and under the spotlight at Black’s Bar and Grill in the Graphite Bar with a guitar in my hand.

I was finally at that place where I thought I could do this and not fall apart. Not lose control and black out. The visits and phone conversations with the psychologist had helped me take one giant leap forward. With Zach’s love, support and shoulder to lean on, I now had minimal stress in my life. Lex was right about the guitar being good for stress relief.

I took a couple of deep breaths to settle my nerves then stepped up in front of the microphone. ‘My name is Harley James. I hope everyone is having a great time today.’ The crowd cheered as I positioned the guitar over my shoulder. ‘I heard this song recently and I wanted to play it for you today. This year will be ten years since I lost my dad. Dad, you were taken from me too soon, and I wasn’t ready for how life was going to be without you. I love you and I miss you. Even though I’m not now, there was a time when I was drowning. I would like to dedicate this next song to anyone who has ever lost someone close to them. This one’s for you, Dad.’

There was a big crowd here today packed in like sardines, and they were silent at the words I had just spoken. I pushed past the silence so it wouldn’t get to me and strummed the guitar I’d borrowed from Zach. I played the cords I had practised since I’d come back here in the lead up to this event.

I stood in front of the microphone and sang the song I’d dedicated to my dad, ‘Drowning’ by Chris Young. While things were better now, there was a time when the lyrics to this song were very true.

I let the tears fall at the end of the song. I got through it, and I was okay. I wiped the tears away as the crowd applauded. It was time for my next song.

‘I know some of you here tonight,’ I said through the microphone to the crowd, ‘have heard me sing the first couple of lines of this song, and if you don’t mind, I’d like to sing the whole song for you tonight.’

My fingers moved along the strings of the borrowed guitar and played from start to finish my version of ‘Dumb Things’ by Paul Kelly. The crowd applauded, but the loudest cheers I heard were from Zach and his friends, the ones that had said ‘wow’ the first time. Their cheers brought happiness to my face, and my tears were almost gone.

I had one more song to play, and I didn’t know if I could do this. I sent the biggest smile I had out to the crowd, and they threw more cheers back at me. I enjoyed myself. I had fun. But it took a lot of energy to be up here. I took a moment, closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

‘This is my last song for you today. I hope you like it. The song is called “Here Tonight” by Brett Young.’

I worked my fingers through the cords of the song, and when it was time, I sang. I got through the first verse, then the chorus, and I could see the crowd start to sway with the rhythm. They liked my song choice.

I didn’t know what came over me, but I could feel my control slip away. Too much energy had been zapped from me. I wasn’t used to this much adrenaline. My fingers didn’t stop, they didn’t get the message, they knew exactly what to do and I was grateful. They continued to play through the cords of the song, but somehow my voice didn’t want to work anymore.

I panicked a little inside, and that was when I saw movement from the corner of my eye. He was here with a microphone in his hand, and he moved it towards his lips. He sang the next verse for me while I caught my breath. I was mesmerised by the man who was on stage next to me, and I believed I could rein in this anxiety and pull off the song.

By the time the chorus came round again, I felt I had recovered enough to finish the rest of the song. Zach and I did it together. His voice had just the right amount of gruffness for this acoustic version. My voice, like nothing had gone wrong, was now normal as I sang along with Zach. His roughness fit with the smoothness of my voice like a glove. But if it weren’t for Zach’s presence, I would have run from this small stage.

I wanted to believe that Zach and I sounded perfect together. I wanted to believe that our voices had the right mix together and we could always do this. Sing together up here on the stage of his bar. But that was just a dream. Our song was over, and we said our thank you’s. The emcee invited the next local act to the stage to play their songs as Zach and I left the stage to the partygoers who still cheered. I was grateful the crowd today liked my act.

‘Thank you,’ I whispered to Zach, who was beside me. He took the guitar from me to rest it on a table next to the stage.