Page 24 of Falling for You
“You didn’t scare me off at all. I’m sad that you got stuck with a crappy deal. And I think it’s perfectly okay to be angry. I would be too.”
“Don’t be upset for me, Ronnie. There are people who have problems a lot bigger than mine. At the end of the day, I have a roof over my head and a mom who loves me. Not everyone can say that.”
“I understand what you’re going through though. I’m angry a lot too, even though I try to act like I’m not. I’m still angry at my mom for dying and my dad for moving us away, so I get it. I know some things cut deeper than what we let show.”
He squirms a bit. “I feel like I just bared my soul. Probably too early in knowing you for all that.”
“Thank you for letting me in, and no it’s not too early. We’ve already been through a lot tonight.” I sigh and turn over onto my back.
I rub my locket while I stare up at the ceiling.
Sawyer places his hand under his head and sits up on his elbow. He tugs lightly on the gold chain. “What’s in here, anyway? You like to play with it a lot.”
“It’s a picture of my mom, before cancer took her away.” I turn my head towards him. “She wouldn’t have gotten into the situation I did tonight. She was perfect. She always knew exactly what to do.”
He tilts my chin towards him with his hand. “No one is perfect, not me, not your mom, no one. I’m sorry you lost her, but even she wasn’t perfect. I know you won’t believe me right now, but I’ll repeat it. You did nothing wrong.”
I lick my lips and take a deep breath out.
“Do you know what I was thinking about while all of that with Brad was going on?”
“No, tell me Ronnie.”
“I was petrified so most of my thoughts were a whirlwind. I remember thinking about this beach house I used to go to every summer with my parents when I was little. God, it was the most beautiful place. It was our happy place, you know? We went there the summer before Mom died so we could have those memories with her. When I thought Brad was going to hurt me, I closed my eyes and pictured her there smiling at me and it calmed me down. I miss my mom, and I miss being a kid. I miss not having to worry that guys I liked would turn out to be psychos. I miss being carefree and I miss the time when other people didn’t relish making me feel like crap.”
“I know what you mean. We wait our whole childhoods to grow up, and then we get there and we’re like this really sucks.” He chuckles.
I turn on my side and reach out to touch his face again. “You know, I’m sure that even when I was a skinny ten-year old with braces on my teeth, I would have had a huge crush on you. But you probably wouldn’t have given me the time of day. ”
He runs a finger lightly across my lips. “I would have had a crush right back.”
“Ronnie, I know I shouldn’t ask after everything you’ve gone through tonight, but can I kiss you? I promise not to do anything else.”
.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Sex can be misconstrued by girls as love. I’ve never found it hard to separate the two. Though a good blow job can feel a lot like love if I’m honest.-Sawyer
Sawyer
I hear her soft reply. “I thought you’d never ask.”
My heart beats a fast tempo and her soft palm over it makes me crazy. I want this girl so much. Now is not the time for too much. Right now, I’ll settle for a kiss.
I lean in and softly press my lips to hers. She’s tentative at first. I feel her slowly open her lips and I slide my tongue in. She tangles her tongue with mine and we both deepen the kiss. I feel her hand run through my hair and groan. I’m hard as a rock right now and I want more. I have to remember this is all I can have.
I hear her moan as my tongue slides over hers and my hand fists in her hair. It takes everything within me not to run my hand over her silky skin. Go slow, go slow. The mantra repeats in my head. As we continue to kiss, I feel her leg come over my hip to squeeze my lower half in tight. When she feels my erection, she moans louder.
We separate, breathing hard. “We don’t have to go this fast. A kiss is good enough. You’re a pretty amazing kisser.” I kiss her gently on the nose and she giggles.
She strokes my cheek. “Thanks for taking things slow. This night has been awful, but you’ve been great. I know you don’t think of yourself as a hero, but to me you are.”
My stomach feels leaden with guilt when she says that. I think of all the things I’ve done to cover up for Brad’s behavior in the past. If I hadn’t covered for him before, would we even be in this situation now? Am I really any better than he is? There’s no way I deserve someone as good as Ronnie, but I can’t help but still want to be here soaking up her praise and her goodness.
I kiss her on the forehead. “I’m no hero, Ronnie. Not like in your books.”
She pulls back to look at me. “I know you aren’t a hero like in my books, Sawyer. I know those are just characters. You’re better because you’re real and yes, I know, flawed.”