Page 87 of When Sinners Fear
I grip onto the desk as best I can as he continues to thrust into me, and the bounce of momentum helps to send that nervous, sexy energy rushing around my body. It’s intoxicating.
He slows the rhythm of his hips, and I’m trapped between cursing and begging because it feels just as good.
“Mmm, I like that. More,” I moan.
I don't even recognise my voice or words. It's like they're drugged up on endorphins, and as he reaches down with his hand and trails it from my neck, down between my breasts to where we’re joined, and rubs the knot of nerves, it's like flicking a switch.
My body arches into his touch and my hips want to surge forward. My breathing quickens, and I feel my eyes fall back as I indulge in nothing but sensation. “Yes, yes, there, yes!” Sparks wave and crest, pulsing as my orgasm dissipates through my nerves.
Knox grunts and stills, tilting his head back as he finishes inside me. I take a few deep breaths and roll my head to look up at him. He's down to lick his way up my chest almost instantly, still rocking in and out of me slowly.
“We should get dressed,” I offer, as I try to move my leg around him.
He bites my neck gently. "I am dressed."
I giggle. “Well, I’m not, and anyone could walk in.” It doesn't stop him, and eventually, I physically shove him to get him off me. He chuckles and pulls back slowly, nothing more than a zip to do up. Me, on the other hand.
Now dressed and put together, I finish the hurried tour, and we leave. I’ve given up on anything work-related with him here. We walk back down the hall and out of the building, happy, but I can’t help but struggle to imagine the future he’s laid out – me here in a new apartment, him visiting, waiting for the baby. Is that living life? Is that making the most of my second chance?
“How does this work, Knox? You leave me and come back to visit at the weekend? Each month?” I don’t want to feel needy, but having him here only makes me want to be with him more.
He said it himself – this is temporary, but it will be our lives for a significant amount of time. I’m only a few months along, and my thesis defence isn’t for another year if I get to that. The timeline with my pregnancy means I won’t complete it before I’m due.
“We communicate, but there’s nothing conventional about this, and it won’t be me coming to visit at the weekend. It will be as and when I can.”
“What is this, though? Are we together?”
He stops on the sidewalk. “What are you asking?”
“I’m asking if you’ll be faithful. If we’re faithful to each other.”
The frown that suddenly appears on his face tells me he just got angry about something, as does the fact that he drops my hand. “I suggest you think about your next words carefully, Peyton, because I have no intention of ever letting another man near you. This is all in. There’s no screwing around so you better think pretty fucking fast about what you want. I thought I made that clear yesterday. Once this decision is made, there’s no going back. It doesn’t matter if we’re apart for a week or a goddamn year. You’re it for me. And I will be it for you, too. If that isn’t something you’re good with, then say now because none of this has to happen.”
“Calm down, I just wanted to make sure. There’s been a lot said, and this is all going so fast. I thought I’d have more time.”
“More time for what? You’re pregnant, and the clock is ticking,” he snaps.
“More time to work out how I can accept you and love you for you when I know what you do. How do I right that?” I pause, hoping he understands why I’m struggling with this. “You said you might be able to change your path. What does that even mean?”
“It means that I won’t change what or who I am, but with time, there might be a shift that allows some space for us.”
I nod, not really any clearer with his cryptic answer. “But we’ll be together?”
“When we can be.”
“And your family?”
“They won’t change, and, until the baby is born, I want to keep you away from anyone that could put you or the baby in danger. That includes them.”
“I’m your secret?” The thought is a disappointment. Although not having to face the people who saw me in that place – who witnessed the darkest moments of my life and saw what I did to Reed, isn’t so bad.
“Not a secret. Just something I want to keep safe.”
“You’re not embarrassed by me?” It’s a stupid question, and I hate that I asked it. There’s no reason he should be, but insecurities aren’t limited to teenage girls, and while there are bigger questions and problems to consider, at the heart of this are my feelings for him. I have to believe that he’s telling the truth about this, and that will still need some reconciling. That’s only going to come with time, something we don’t have an abundant supply of.
“No. Why would I be embarrassed?”
“Well, you’re you, and I’m me. I’m sure that you never imagined a permanent or lasting relationship. In fact, I know that’s not what you envisaged. So, if I’m not one-hundred percent confident all the time, you know why. Despite the romancing and the poetry. I have my reasons, okay?”