Page 20 of Waves
I rolled my eyes and bit my tongue. I bought that fucking house myself two years before we even met. “Yes, you sure were the breadwinner with your community college professor’s salary.”
“This is what I’m talking about. You keep refusing to take any responsibility for your actions. I’ve apologized hundreds of times, even though you hurt me just as much, maybe even more. I’ve forgiven you, Ezra. You should forgive me, too.”
“You forgive me?” I dissolved into laughter at the very idea.
Thom scowled at my outburst. “Yes, Ezra, I forgive you for leaving me two days before our wedding.”
“If I had known sooner you were screwing half your students, I would have canceled in time to get all the deposits back.”
“Leave it to you to make a big deal out of nothing. One time, Ezra—I fucked up one time after almost three years.”
“Yeah, well, I heard differently,” I said.
“That’s still throwing the baby out with the bathwater if I ever heard it.” Thom’s exaggerated gesturing spilled glowing ashes on the concrete. “You know, I would have forgiven you. And I sure as hell would have never, ever left you at the altar because of one little mistake.”
As pissed as I was, I knew he was right. I was already once burned and twice shy when Thom and I met. Maybe that was why his infidelity hurt so much. Thom invested an impressive amount of time building up my trust in him, only to rip the rug right out from under me.
“Well, great, but I’d do it again in a heartbeat,” I said, turning away from him.
I watched from the corner of my eye as Thom threw down his cigarette butt and stamped out the glowing embers beneath his pristine leather shoe. A mischievous smile snuck across his lips. “Why?”
“Because...” I said, glancing left and right. I should have crossed without looking.
Thom took a step closer again, but I froze in place once he wrapped a hand around my arm and pulled his mouth to my ear.
The sting of the menthol mingled with the smell of his overpriced aftershave, making all my senses dizzy. I hated him so much; I hated how he hurt me, and I hated how he ruined my life. More than anything, I hated how I couldn’t get past him. After a year of being apart, I hated how he could still do this to me.
“You don’t even know, do you?” Thom whispered. “You’ve been angry for so long you can’t even remember why.”
My hair stood on end when he spoke, while my body acted entirely on its own, leaning into familiarity. I always became some sort of pathetic little creature whenever Thom coiled around me, crushing me so slowly I might mistake the sensation for affection. When the hell would I ever learn?
Thom pulled my left hand from my pocket, entwining his fingers with mine. His touch stayed as gentle as his voice this time. “Let’s just talk about it. You and me, somewhere private.”
My ears rang like alarms sounding in my mind, but the warning went ignored. A marching band couldn’t get my attention right now, even if they brandished a banner listing all the reasons why this was a terrible, terrible idea. Instead, I ignored every red flag, every doubt, and every bit of common sense I possessed. I slowly nodded when Thom pulled me closer to him and we crossed the street together.
* * *
KAI
While stretched out on the sand, I watched the night sky to pass the time. I couldn’t say for sure when I last saw Ezra. I hadn’t spotted his boat on the water since our face-to-face encounter. Days might have passed since then, but thinking about him still stirred up fresh memories. I pictured him biting his bottom lip while he concentrated, or ducking his eyes down when he became bashful. I supposed I could imagine him so clearly because I’d studied him for so long.
Never in my entire life did I care to be among the humans, but now more than ever something about Ezra made him seem different. I didn’t know what set him apart from the others, only that I still caught myself idly wondering about him when going about my day. Oftentimes, I scanned the water for his boat and hoped to spot him in the distance. The day felt incomplete whenever I didn’t. A seal should be happy to be away from civilization, but all I thought about anymore was laughing with him. Maybe the human part of me wasn’t as latent as I liked to think.
I rolled onto my belly and stared in the approximate direction of the coastline. The far-off windows of occupied homes illuminated the dark horizon like fireflies in a field. In this darkness I couldn’t distinguish any home clearly, nor could I say for sure which belonged to Ezra at this distance. I still knew that one of those homes held him.
Times like this, when I really missed him, I closed my eyes and pictured him in his house, where I knew he was safe. I could see him sitting on the couch with Ishmael while they enjoyed their evening together. I liked to imagine him smiling.
* * *
EZRA
Thom laughed and swirled the red wine around in his glass. “I still can’t believe you got a dog.”
I shrugged in response, my drink to my lips while I took a sip.
Thom wanted a dog while we were together. He always insisted we get one of those squishy-faced yappers with an under-bite, and I would’ve been okay with it. The pedigree never mattered to me and even the squeaky little ankle-biters had a place in my dog-lover heart. The opportunity simply never presented itself.
When I actually went looking for a dog for myself, I knew I wanted a medium-sized mutt I could take anywhere, maybe a few years old and somewhat trained. My mind changed after I saw Ishmael, and that same day, I drove home with a loveable beast. While I didn’t regret adopting him, Ishmael was not an easy pet. I spent countless hours in puppy classes training him, and probably twice as much time properly socializing him by bringing him everywhere. An unfortunate number of displeased stray cats became the target of his affection back then, but he had been nothing but gentle to every human and animal he encountered.