Page 87 of Mafia and Protector

She twisted her fingers.

“Tell me.”

“It’s just that whatever I learn, we both know that I won’t ever be able to beat a man.” Her voice was quiet.

“I know that. But some of these skills could buy you some time and give you a fighting chance.”

She took a sharp breath. “You think…you think I should have fought harder?” A tear rolled down her cheek.

Shit. “That’s not what I meant, Jess.”

Christ, this wasn’t what I’d wanted.

“I want you to have some more confidence in yourself, Jess—some more self-belief.”

I filled the couple of steps between us and pulled her in my arms, running my hand over her hair and back, trying to soothe her. Maybe I was approaching this wrong? Perhaps I should’ve hired a woman to teach her? Or maybe it just wasn’t the right time.

Whatever it was, I knew that she wasn’t in the right mindset for this today—and I probably wasn’t either. “I think that’s enough for today,” I said into her dark hair.

“Okay,” she replied, her voice wobbly as she untangled herself from my arms before she rushed off back toward the house.

I wondered if I should go after her?

I had the feeling, though, that while she needed comfort, it probably wasn’t from me right now.

I also realized that teaching her self-defense today was maybe as much for myself as it was for her—to ease my guilt over the rape.

I knew I could never make up to Jess what my father had done to her. I was giving Jess space, wanting her to make her own decision about the baby. I didn’t want her to feel like she had to terminate the pregnancy to appease me.

All I wanted was for her to be happy, and I would be a father to the baby if that was what she wanted. She was the most important person in my life, and I would do anything for her.

So why did it feel like I’d done everything wrong? My allowing her to make up her own mind about the baby was supposed to have made me feel better. Since the day of the scan, however, I felt like everything I did was the wrong thing. I’d been trying to stop Jess from getting hurt any further—by letting her choose what happened next regarding the baby.

This whole situation was fucking messed up, I thought to myself, as I pinched the bridge of my nose and headed for a shower.

CHAPTER 27

JESSICA

That night, I was already in bed when Rafael came in.

As he undressed, I turned over to face him. “Rafael, I want to go see Juliana.” I tried to make my voice firm, yet even I could hear the hesitation, fearing Rafael’s reaction to my request.

He replied without the slightest pause. “You know that’s not possible.”

“I need to see my sister.”

“Why?”

“So that I can ask for her advice on what I should do about the baby.” My muscles were taut with apprehension, waiting to see if I’d be able to convince him to let me go.

“If you need advice from your family, you can speak to your mother here in L.A.”

“As if she’s a sane person who will give rational advice. Don’t forget, she helped my father hide the rape from you—heaven forbid anything stopped my marriage into the great Santino family,” I snapped.

“The answer’s still no.”

I sighed. “Please, Rafael, I really need to do this. I really need to talk to Juliana.” Out of my siblings, Jacob was already blaming himself for not protecting me, so talking to him was out of the question—I couldn’t bear for him to blame himself any more than he already was. Juliana still didn’t know about the rape, and I would have to tell her everything before being able to get her advice, but she was my best option.