Page 88 of Mafia and Protector

“You know it’s out of the question. It’s far too dangerous for you to go and see your sister in another city. My answer’s final.” The edge in his voice was unmistakable—he was mad at me. Mad about the baby, and mad about me wanting to see my sister.

Tears of frustration stung the back of my eyes. Rafael was acting like a typical Made Man, issuing his commands and expecting me to obey.

I had hoped he would eventually calm down and we could talk about this more. I felt like this had been made my problem to solve. I knew I was the one having the baby, but I thought we would figure out together what to do.

This isn’t how I had imagined my pregnancy would be. I had always imagined being thrilled and excited, looking at baby clothes and booties, decorating a nursery and filling it with stuffed animals. Instead, this pregnancy was something we hardly referred to, and it certainly wasn’t a source of excitement or joy.

How could it be, with the knowledge that the father of my baby was my rapist, Emanuel Santino?

How could fate be so cruel to me, to Rafael, and to this baby inside me? What sort of life would this baby have, being the product of an unwanted attack? But it wasn’t the baby’s fault, so how could anyone blame it or hold it responsible—but then I imagined emotions trumped rationality in circumstances like these.

I tossed and turned the whole night, unable to sleep, trying to decide what to do about the baby. Anxiety was eating me up inside. Of course Rafael wouldn’t want to bring up his half-sibling as his child, but I didn’t know if I could terminate this pregnancy either. There was a life inside me, a heart beating inside me.

I was lost, and instead of working toward a solution, my thoughts kept wandering further away from reality, to somewhere I could just hide my worries, my hurt and my emotions.

By morning, I was still so unsure—and desperately in need of my older sister’s advice. She had always been there for me, someone to lean against and rely upon.

I threw caution to the wind and decided that if Rafael wouldn’t let me go see her, I would take matters into my own hands and drive there myself. I would just tell the soldiers at the gate that I was going to my mother’s house. By the time they realized I was gone, it would be too late and I would already be well on my way to Chicago.

Now that I had a plan, I quickly showered and got dressed before I could change my mind. I grabbed my car keys from the kitchen and walked into the garage.

A man was leaning against my car.

Rafael.

“Going somewhere?” he said, raising an eyebrow at me. His stance was relaxed; however, I could detect an edge under his calm words.

I looked at his muscled figure, clad in a dress shirt and dark suit for the business he needed to deal with in his day ahead. “I, uh, I thought I’d just go and see my mother.”

“So early?”

I took a step backward for some reason. “You did suggest last night that I ask her for her advice.”

He prowled closer to me. “And, if I recall correctly, you said she wasn’t a sane person who could give you rational advice.” I could feel the tension rolling off his body.

“Maybe I changed my mind.”

“If you were going to see your mother, for one thing you wouldn’t be going so early, and, secondly, you would not be dressed like that.” He ran his eyes over my jeans and t-shirt.

“I’m not feeling so good this morning, so I thought my mother would forgive me for not dressing up in my Mafia wife uniform,” I snapped, tired from my lack of sleep and nauseous with morning sickness.

“Come on, Jessica,” said Rafael tersely. “You’re a terrible liar.”

I clamped my lips firmly shut. Perhaps it was better not to confirm or deny anything.

“I know you would have fled to Chicago today to see Juliana if I wasn’t here right now, standing in your way,” he growled.

“If you know how much I need to see her, why won’t you let me?” I cried. “Why won’t you take me there? If you’re with me, you can keep me safe. I just don’t understand.”

Rafael stood looking down at me, but the hard look in his eyes did not diminish. “You know I can’t keep you safe in a city that belongs to another organization.”

“I don’t need you to keep me safe.”

“When will you understand that you are mine to protect now? I can’t protect you if I allow you to go to Chicago.”

“Allow?I’m not a possession you can control, nor am I a pet that you can command and expect obedience from.”

“If you ever try to escape again, I won’t go so easy on you.”