Page 91 of Mafia and Protector

Not just for the baby. But also for what had been taken from me on that day a few months ago at the clinic.

“I’m so sorry, Jess. I’m so very sorry.” I looked up at Rafael and saw the anguish in his eyes.

I’d wanted us to plan a life for the three of us together. Now that decision had been taken out of my hands.

I was so numb. I could barely breathe. I gave myself over to my grief and let the tears roll down my face. And the sobs came rushing out of me, while Rafael held me in his arms, whispering to me and stroking my hair.

CHAPTER 29

JESSICA

A few days later, I was at the stables.

The grief inside me was so intense that it physically hurt. The doctor had said that I had done nothing to cause the miscarriage, but I kept wondering if I should have done something differently.

After the miscarriage, I had been avoiding Rafael as much as possible. I had lost the baby, but I couldn’t yet face the hurt of losing Rafael. I knew that our marriage was over, but it was as if not talking about it meant that I could delay the inevitable.

I should have never let myself fall in love with him in the first place. A girl like me, who wasn’t a virgin for her husband, didn’t deserve love.

How could I have been so stupid to think that Rafael could ever really love me? Whatever I did, nothing would ever change my past. I would always be impure in Rafael’s eyes. I didn’t deserve to be happy with him. He got a bad deal when he married me—no longer a pure virgin, plus pregnant with another man’s child.

I loved being with the horses and the stables were one of the places I liked to visit. Whenever I was feeling lonely, I could always come here and find some company amongst the animals.

I was holding out a sugar lump when a voice behind me brought me out of my thoughts. “How’s my favorite horse doing today?” Gabriel had come up behind me without me hearing him.

“You shouldn’t sneak up on people like that,” I murmured.

“I didn’t sneak up—you were miles away.”

“Storm seems a bit restless today,” I said in response to his earlier question.

“He probably senses it in you and it’s affecting him.”

“You think?” I asked, raising my eyebrows in surprise.

“Horses are very perceptive animals, and Storm is particularly sensitive.”

“I wouldn’t have imagined you as owning a sensitive animal.”

“Just call me the Horse Whisperer,” he said as he stroked Storm’s muzzle.

I held out my hand to Gabriel, offering him the sugar lumps to feed the horses.

“Thanks,” he replied, taking a lump from my palm to feed Storm. He looked at me carefully. “I know things aren’t so good with you at the moment, but are you okay?”

“Well, apart from the usual Mob wife problems, I have no energy and my life’s a mess.”

Gabriel regarded me closely. “You should talk to Rafael.”

“He doesn’t want to talk to me.”

“You should still talk to him. I’ve said the same to him, that he should talk to you. Nothing will ever get resolved otherwise.”

I didn’t reply, but in my heart of hearts, I knew he was right.

RAFAEL

I could see how much Jess was hurting, but I didn’t know how to help her.