Page 92 of Mafia and Protector

One morning in the kitchen as we prepared breakfast together, I turned to her. She was still in her nightclothes, wearing a robe on top, looking listless and distracted.

“How are you doing?” I asked as I used a knife to halve strawberries. Just standing next to her, I could feel a vibe of despondency coming off her, and it made something clench around my heart.

She gave a forced smile. “How are any of us doing?”

“You know, you could talk to someone about the baby…and everything that’s happened.”

Jess bit her lower lip. “I can’t talk about Emanuel.Omertaapplies, surely?” Omerta was our ‘code of silence’, preventing us from talking to outsiders about wrongdoings committed within the organization and Mafia.

“Omerta refers to not talking to the authorities about our business matters. What was done to you was not a business matter, and anyhow, you would talk to a therapist, not to the police or authorities.”

Jess hesitated before slowly turning to me, a frown marring her brow. “Rafael, I’ve been thinking, we should start proceedings for annulment.”

I froze. “What do you mean, Jessica?” My voice was harsher than I intended.

“I can’t go on with this charade, with all the secrets...”

I stared at her, not saying anything, my hand tightening around the knife I was holding.

Her words went on in a rush. “You’ll be able to say that you were tricked into the marriage, believing that I was a virgin when I wasn’t really one...you can claim fraud.”

I raked my hand through my hair and closed my eyes for a moment.

Her voice was barely a whisper now. “I’m living a lie with you—you deserve to be happy with a real wife and a real marriage. I can’t give you that. I’m sorry.” I could see the huge effort it was taking her to say this to me.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for.” My tone was abrupt, and I softened my voice. “Everything’s my fault. You were mine once the contract was signed, and I should have protected you. I couldn’t even protect you from my own father. I failed you and I’ll never stop trying to make that up to you.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Rafael.” I saw a tear slip down her cheek and all I wanted to do was hold her.

“Jess, I don’t know what to say or how to make it up to you. I wanted the baby to be your decision—for you to do what you wanted, not what you thought I wanted or the Società would expect of you. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about how I’ve handled it. I see now that we should have made the decision about the baby together; instead, I abandoned you when you needed me most. I’m a complete bastard.”

I watched while more tears rolled down her cheeks.

I stepped forward and took her into my embrace. “Christ, you’ve been so strong through everything. I don’t deserve you, Jess. You’ve made it through the wedding and then coped with the baby news much better than I have.”

“Being strong isn’t enough though, is it?” she said quietly, her voice echoing the utter defeat inside her.

“What do you mean, Jess?”

“I know you were ashamed of the baby and didn’t want anything to do with it.”

“Why would you think that?” I asked in genuine surprise.

“How could you be anything else? It’s a baby conceived from a rape by your father.”

“Jess, the baby was an innocent. I could never have been ashamed of him or her,” I said softly.

“But the baby would be just like Bella—and you’re ashamed of Bella and didn’t want anyone knowing that she was your half-sister. You won’t even have her over for dinner.”

I ran my hand through my hair. “Jess, I didn’t care who knew about Bella being our sister. It was Bella that didn’t want us telling people. She wasn’t our biggest fan at the start, and she probably still isn’t. She disapproves of our criminal lifestyle and our less-than-legal dealings, not to mention being horrified when I knifed a man in front of her.”

Jess thought over my words for a while. “I guess our ways might come as a bit of a shock to her if her mom didn’t tell her much about us…I suppose she didn’t grow up like us.”

“If I really hadn’t wanted people to know, I would never have said anything the day I killed Savino. But I want people to know who she is because that way she’ll get the respect she deserves.”

“Does she really not like you that much?” frowned Jess.

“She wasn’t brought up in our world and doesn’t understand the ways of our life. I’ve tried to explain to her that she is the same as you and me. She was born into this world by virtue of who her mother, father and stepfather are, and that’s something she can never escape—which is why we have to protect her now. Once you are born into the Mafia world, it never lets you go.”