Page 61 of Breaking Bristol
There was a lot more to how I was feeling today, in particular, because it was the anniversary of my brother’s death, and this year was hitting me harder than most. But I couldn’t focus on any of that, not until I finished my shift.
“All right, whatever you say, Dr. B. Listen, I don’t know exactly what the problem is, but all I’ll say is that it’s okay for you to be happy. You deserve it. So stop wallowing around in your guilt and move on with your life. You’re starting to piss me off.” Debbie slapped her hand on the desk, then walked away.
It wasn’t that I wasn’t ready to move on. I already had, but I wasn’t going to tell Debbie that. It was that I gave Bristol everything I was thinking and feeling. The real me. Truths, lies, the good and the bad, and everything in between.
But she still didn’t trust me enough to do the same.
That was what was bothering me.
And I wished Mikey was still around so I could talk to him because he’d tell me to get my head outta my ass. It hurt that he wasn’t here to give me shit and lecture me, or just fucking be here to meet the woman I loved.
The radio sounded, and seconds later, Debbie returned. “Dr. B. We’ve got a MVA coming in. Two vehicles but only one with injuries.”
I rushed down the hall, following the nurse as she relayed the information she’d gotten from EMS.
In my line of work, I’d been in a lot of intense situations, more than I could count, so violent wounds and unjust injuries were par for the course. Each one affected me in its own way, but when the description of the victim matched Bristol, every nerve ending seared through me, and my entire world flashed before my eyes.
My neck was sweating, my gut twisting, and I actually saw stars because I was holding my breath. I hadn’t even gotten to tell her I love her; she hadn’t met my parents. We didn’t have any fucking time—
EMS pulled the stretcher out, and my heart thundered as the woman’s face appeared. When I saw it wasn’t Bristol, I nearly wept in relief.
But that didn’t mean she wasn’t somebody else’s entire world.
We did everything we could, exhausted all efforts, but still I couldn’t give up. I wouldn’t. “Again,” I ordered, but nobody moved. “I said again!” I yelled, reaching to charge the paddles.
Debbie stepped in the way. “Dr. Beckett, she’s gone.”
“Charge ’em or get the fuck outta my way.”
“She’s gone.”
I jumped up on the table and straddled her, then started chest compressions while everyone around me stood silent, watching. “Don’t just stand there, fucking do something!”
“Beck, enough.” A pair of arms wrapped around my chest, and I was hauled off the bed by Grayson, of all people. “Enough, man. She’s gone.” He let me go but put a hand on my shoulder, then lowered his voice. “Call it.”
Goddammit. Fuck!
I glanced at the clock, called the time of death, then sank to the floor.
He crouched down and slapped my face. “Yo, Beck.”
“I’m fine.”
“Look at me.” I lifted my eyes. “You straight?”
“Yeah.”
The muscles in his jaw flexed. “I was on the scene. Took a while to locate her next of kin, but I found her husband and brought him in.”
“Fuck,” I hissed, pressing the balls of my hands into my eye sockets. “Fuck.”
“Do you want me to—”
“No.” I interrupted as I got to my feet. “I’m good.”
He glanced at Debbie, then gave her a nod before patting my shoulder and walking away.
“Is it just her husband here?” I asked Debbie quietly as my amazing staff respectfully cleaned up the room and the victim.