Page 109 of Rise & Fall

“I can’t get pregnant!” I shout. Almost like an inevitable volcanic eruption that was building up over time or like Gretchen Wieners fromMean Girlswhen she’s giving her speech about Bruno and Caesar.

I cower down when I realize that everyone in the coffee shop heard my aggressive, pugnacious admission.

“What?” Sterling’s tone is but a whisper now, her eyes hold a sympathetic gaze for something she knows she can’t possibly understand.

“I’m infertile, Sterling. It’s not possible for me to be pregnant.” I rub the back of my neck desperately wishing I could skip the entire trip to the airport and just teleport into Nolan’s arms.

I feel like, right now, he’s the only one I want to be around or talk to. I feel like he doesn’t treat me like I’m fragile or that I’m anybody but myself.

Not that Sterling doesn’t see me for who I am, but I’ve changed since going back home. I’m not who I used to be, therefore, I’m not the same girl she left behind. And seeing my best friend in a happy and healthy relationship gives me an envious dream of something more, but that something more is now hundreds of miles away.

“I’m so sorry, Dakota.” Her breathing is heavy as she apologizes sincerely.

“It’s fine. But believe it or not, that news has destroyed me. So, if we could just drop it, I’d appreciate it.”

Sterling starts to form tears in her eyes.

“We should get going, Callan is waiting for us,” I say to try and lighten the mood because the moment she sheds a tear, I’m going to lose it. I’ve always been pretty good at hiding my emotions and controlling my expressions, but for some reason, seeing her cry makes me want to spill tears too, and I am trying to clear my headspace.

She wipes under her eyes as we both stand up. She lunges forward and meets me with a sudden hug. I let her hold me like that for a few seconds before we break apart and head for the door.

thirty-five

Nolan

Imaginebeingagrownman waiting patiently in the dark for your girlfriend to show up for her surprise birthday party. And no, we haven’t officially discussed titles to that extent but calling her my girlfriend feels right. Although I do remember referring to myself as her boyfriend in front of her ex but so much time has passed since then, it’s hard to know if she recalls it or not.

I knew what today was; it was one of those things we talked about a while back and I know that today has more than one meaning to her. I know it can either be a good memory or a bad one, and I refused to continue to let it be a bad one.

Dakota has been nothing but caring and giving and genuine since I’ve met her, and there’s not a thing I wouldn’t do to see her smile.

“When is she going to be here, Daddy?” Aria looks up at me, hiding behind the kitchen table on the floor whereas I sit on a chair.

“She should be here any minute, Princess. Her Uber might be a little lost,” I whisper back at her. Both of the girls are huddled up, practically at my feet, while Em’s mom and dad hide behind a wall near the hallway.

Suddenly, we hear the sound of keys jingling by the front door and Em shushes everyone. We hear the lock turn, and the door swings open with a creaking sound that breaks through the shadows where everyone is hiding and a soon as we all hear the door close, Dexter turns on the lights and everyone shouts,

“Surprise!”

I stand up from my chair as the girls run to Dakota, attacking her legs in a fit of laughter and hugs.

“Happy birthday, sissy! You’re the best big sister in the world!” Emsley squeezes Dakota and Dakota simply looks at her little sister with the faintest smile. I recognize something that reminds me of sadness in her demeanor.

I walk toward her waiting for my turn to hold her, smell her, kiss her.

But wait. Can I even do any of that in front of…everyone?

I know the girls have seen us hold hands at least once. It really grossed them out. But I’m not sure her parents know we’re really seeing each other.

When her mom invited me here for her birthday, I assumed it was so that Em could have someone to hang out with, not that this was a full-blown birthday party to begin with. Or maybe she did talk to her mom about us.

Either way, I’ll follow her lead.

She’s finally free of the girls and she gives her mom and Dexter a hug. On top of the surprise that fills her facial expression, there’s a hint of pain.

I want to take that away, whatever it could be. But something alarming swirls in my veins when I think of what could have caused her any pain at all.

My mind goes berserk with thoughts of what could have happened in the span of twenty-four hours to have caused my firefly so much hurt and distress.