Page 115 of Rise & Fall
I feel the sting of tears creep into the corners of my eyes. I have no words for the way that Nolan is making me feel. I know that it feels like one big scary thing, and it’s masked by all of the other things I don’t intend to feel.
But I don’t want to submit to that one big scary thing, not again, or at least not yet. Because even though it’s rooted deep into my heart, sprouting at a quickened pace and overpowering all other emotions, I just want to make sure it’s unfeigned and unforced by any other driving factors other than the mere feeling of the word itself.
But I feel it. It’s there. And I can keep being stubborn and try to bury it down for as long as I can but it’s too strong to stay hidden for long. Looking into Nolan’s eyes brings it out. Feeling him touch me in a way that ruins me for any other man or in that way that makes me feel like heneedsto touch me also exposes it. When he tells me everything is going to be okay and that I can trust him, it only adds to the feeling. And the way he knows just what I want and when I want it feeds it even more hope, unraveling the spirals of the emotional guards I’ve tried to hide it with.
Itis love.
“Stay with me,” Nolan says in a deep tone laced with the desire that I feel too. I can see it in the way his lids are heavy, and his breathing is trying to maintain a modicum of control.
“I can’t. I promised my mom I’d take Em to school in the morning. Her and Dex are going to her doctor’s appointment in the morning.” I trace my finger down his chest, feeling his heartbeat picking up pace.
“How’s she doing, anyways? She seemed better than she did at Em’s birthday party.” I love how he’s interested in my life, my family. Things I love. In me.
“She’s doing much better. Since Dex has been more involved, I’ve seen a difference. I can’t explain it, but she’s doing way better now.” I smile, more so to myself than anything.
I remember when I first came back home, she was in bad condition. She was skinny, not eating, headaches all the time, never sleeping, had a hard time getting out of bed, and had no energy for anything. Even though she had all the right medications she needed from her stroke, there were underlying mental issues and maybe even some self-destructive habits that she’d rather endure than face the fact that she wasn’t who she used to be.
My mom and Dexter did what they had to do for Em, even when they weren’t together. But seeing them trying to work things out now and knowing that she’s happy and in better health now—though it does hurt a little to see her with anyone but my dad—does make me happy as well.
But the thought of my dad brings up something that I’d almost forgotten about…what Nolan said to me at the airport.
“Hey, I wanted to ask you about something,” I say right before a piercing scream cuts through the silence we’ve hidden behind.
Nolan and I both jerk from the door and race to get it open, running out into the hallway to see who it came from.
We both reach the living room at the same time; my heart is pounding in my chest cavity.
But I’m not met with what I expected, someone’s finger sliced off, a robber, or an injured kid. No.
I see Emsley practically standing in a pile of cake, seemingly one that she dropped.
Her face is covered in frosting and tears are pouring down her face. Mom is next to her telling her it’s okay and Dexter is in the kitchen grabbing towels to clean it up.
Aria is scooping up some splattered cake from her cheek and sticking it in her mouth.
“Yum,” she mumbles.
“What happened?” I ask.
“I ruined your birthday, DJ. I’m the worstest sissy ever!” She sobs, her whole body shaking as tears consume her splotchy face. She’s still holding the base of the cake in her hands.
Mom stands and looks up to me. “She wanted to take the cake to the table. She dropped it obviously. But I told her it was okay.”
I immediately drop to my knees in front of Emsley. Nolan walks over to pick up Aria and move out of the way.
“I’m gonna go get more towels.” Dexter drops off the paper towels he found in the kitchen before making his way down the hall.
“Em, you’re not the worstest sissy ever. You’re the bestest sissy ever. Accidents happen, Em.” I move my hand to her arm, rubbing up and down to try and soothe her, but she throws herself down on her bottom, splattering more cake as it squishes beneath her.
“Your birthday is ruined!” she cries. But little does she know my birthday is actually pretty decent considering.
“Can I let you in on a little secret?” I ask her, sitting down in the pile of cake with her.
“What?” She pushes her bottom lip out as she slows down her whining.
“On your birthday, I dropped your cake too. It fell out of the car when I was trying to get it out. Did you know that?”
“What?” She swipes the back of her hand over her cheeks to clear the tears. “I thought you got me a…” she peers over my shoulder to look at Aria, “what kind of cake did you say it was?”