Page 27 of Rise & Fall
Hypothetically, if I agreed to let you take me out… I would not be scared of your ex.
A few minutes goes by with no response from him, and I wonder if I said something off-putting. But I was just answering his question.
I decide to send him another text.
Another hypothetical. If I were to go on a date with you, what would be your ideal date?
I’m a simple man. Anything that allows me to get to know you better.
That was vague as fuck.
I roll my eyes because that’s such a typical guy answer, but I will admit it sounds better knowing it’s coming from an illegally attractive man.
Now I’m just being shallow and irrational. There’s more to him than just his looks. What if he actually has an objectionable, boring personality. What if he is self-centered and rude? What if his feet stink, like, so bad it’s unbearable?
But I don’t think any of that is true about Nolan. Even having only run into him a few times, I can tell he’s responsible, considerate, independent, strong-willed, sexy, and those hands…
If you agree to go out with me, I promise to make it worth your time. I really do hope you decide to give me a chance.
And with that, I let my eyes flutter shut to the feeling of pride, I didn’t give him a definitive answer. Why does that make me proud? Because I know deep down that I have some sort of control over my life again, or maybe just in this one situation, but still. A different kind of control, not the responsible, taking-care-of-others kind of control. And no, I’m not quite sure what I can call it, but this kind of control is all for me.
“What do you mean you fingered yourself in his bathroom?” my best friend whispers over the phone. It’s been five days since that incident. Two since Nolan asked me on a date, now it’s Wednesday morning, and although my mind is all over the place these days, I can’t stop thinking about one thing. Nolan.
“Sterling, I know. It was such a impulsive, and honestlyweird, thing for me to do.”
“Hot,” she says.
“What?”
“It was a hot thing for you to do. Like damn, Dakota. I knew you had balls, but I didn’t think you hadballs.”
“I could have been heard by the kids,” I say thinking about how reckless the action was. But then I retract. “But you’re right, it was kind of hot.” I lean back on the couch, throwing my head back as I remember the feeling, almost coming completely undone in a stranger’s bathroom.
“Listen, if I can give any kind of advice, it’s that being sexual and being confident about it, especially with someone you like, is actually kind of fun.”
I think about the idea of juggling dating right now. Though I quit my job at the hospital to have more free time, it didn’t give me any actual free time. It just made space for me to spend more time with my family.
“So, you’re going on a date with him?” she asks, breaking the silence.
“I mean, yeah. But he doesn’t know that yet,” I answer.
I made up my mind the moment he asked me at the bar, but I’m gonna keep him guessing a little longer. I mean, what’s better than to add a little extra tension?
“When?”
“I’m not sure yet.” I bend down, sitting on my mom’s couch, to get my shoes back on. I’ve spent most of my morning going over doctor’s notes with her and running errands.
The progress she’s making has been decent the past couple of days, minus her constant sleepiness and mental exhaustion more than anything.
“What are you going to wear?” Sterling asks me.
“I have no fucking clue. What’s with all the questions?” I giggle.
“How about a birthday suit.” I hear a squeaky, small voice yell from the background.
“Sara, shut up. We talked about the birthday suit thing,” Sterling demands, muffled on the other side of the phone.
“She’ll never give that up, will she?” I ask knowing that Sara and Sterling have this inside joke about birthday suits.