Page 90 of Rise & Fall
“The truth is, Jess. I fell out of love with you a long time ago. Years ago, actually. And I am seeing someone else pretty seriously.” I waive to the waitress and ask her to box up my meal to go. I hand her my card to pay for the meals and turn back to Jessica who looks distraught.
“Listen, I appreciate that you want to start doing something to change your life around. I know it’s a tough decision to make and at the end of the day, Aria is loved and taken care of. But I ask that no matter what you do, be there for her.”
“Of course, Nolan.” She bows her head to her fingers entangled in her lap. “Is she good with her?” Her voice is low, and I can see the quiver on her lips, shadowed by the dim lighting of the restaurant.
“Yeah, she is.” I say, smiling to myself thinking about seeing Dakota and the girls.
Though it’s only been a short amount of time since we started hanging out, it feels like forever. They make me happy. And I know that at this moment, things with Dakota are what I needed all along. I don’t regret having Aria. And I know at one point I’d admit to wishing that Jessica wasn’t her mother, but everything happens for a reason, and I can no longer be okay with harboring regret. If none of what I’d been through had happened, I would have never met the fiery girl with an attitude who invades my mind daily with her bright green eyes and her heart of gold.
Our boxes are delivered to the table, and I start transferring my meal over.
“Thanks for doing this with me. And thanks for understanding.” She gulps down what I think is the start of tears as I sign the check.
“Let me know whatever you decide to do, and we can figure something out. I do really wish you the best, Jessica. I really do.” I get up from the table and grab my box, looking to see that it's near eight at night and it’s been nearly four hours since I’ve spoken to Dakota, and I let her leave knowing that there was more that needed to be said or talked about. If I’m going to be serious and see this thing through with her, I have to face my own fears of experiencing potential heartbreak again. I can’t be scared to love someone else or give them a chance because someone else took advantage of that.
“Goodnight, Nolan.” She smiles up at me as I push my chair into the table and turn to leave.
While I may not like having these conversations with her, I appreciate that she tried. It shows growth and I think deep down, it gave me the closure I needed to move on. Because I’m stubborn, I can recognize that, and I was never able to fully accept that I might have closed off my heart, scared of the fact that someone else could break it. But it starts with facing heartbreak as a man, accepting that someone did do that to you and it’s okay to move on from it.
I know that Dakota, my little firefly, might be scared in that same way but we can figure it out together.
I’m not ready to let her go.
twenty-nine
Dakota
Ifeelbetteraftertrading my fantasy book to binge-watchPretty Little Liars. Turns out the angel and demon dynamic still stirred some confusing feelings in my brain as the male main character in the book was also in denial of his true feelings for his love interest, so that was a revelation I wasn’t looking forward to revealing, but here we are.
I sit up when I hear a light knock, shaking off my blanket and getting up from the couch to go answer my door.
“Hey. Come in,” I greet Barbie and move aside to let her into my apartment.
“Oh my gosh, this is so cute, girl,” she says as she settles in my living room. I look around my basic-ass living space and close the door in confusion, but she’s probably just trying to make small talk because this is the first time either of us had really attempted to hang out with each other outside of work. Hell, we don’t even really work together.
But she looks around and smiles at me and it creates a sense of ease knowing that she isn’t shy or quiet, which is perfect for the type of person I am, regardless of how new this is for me.
You have to make friends somehow.
“Thanks for the invite.”
“Of course, do you want anything to eat or drink?” I ask, heading into the kitchen for my own glass of water. The wave of awkwardness starts to swarm me as I move around my kitchen while I hear her footsteps curiously pad around my house.
“No, I’m good. I just ate, but thank you,” she hollers back at me.
“You can sit down, or we can head out onto the balcony,” I offer as I throw some ice cubes in my cup. The bite of how cold the cup gets in my hand reminds me of the time I broke the glass cup at Nolan’s the first time I went over to his house.
How that started all ofthis.
I watch as Barbie slides my back door open and steps into the darkness of the night, the string lights I have hung up light the outdoor space in a warm glow.
I take a sip of my water, before I go to meet her.
The air is now crisp compared to earlier, the stars shine bright in the sky, and it almost reminds me of the hot air balloon park, and the fireflies. My own stomach starts to fill with nerves when I think back to the date.
“So, what’s new?” She pulls out a chair from my two-seater patio table and crosses her knee over her leg. I join her.
“I’ll be honest, I’m not sure why I invited you here. I know it might seem a little childish and awkward, but I just kind of wanted someone to talk to about this boy I’m seeing.”