Page 91 of Rise & Fall

“Honey, that’s not childish, that’s life. Trust me, if I had someone to talk to about my boy troubles, it would make my life a lot easier. Sometimes you need to get shit off your chest, you know?” She brushes her blonde hair behind her ear, and I see her in a new light.

I just always saw her as this superficial girl we call Barbie at work who likes gossip and partying, at least that’s the assumption I made based on the few conversations we did have. But not many superficial people would be willing to take time out of their day to hang out with a stranger to talk about boy problems. I guess she’s not too good for someone like me. And seeing her outside of work in our skimpy work uniforms is actually refreshing. She’s really pretty. Almost too pretty.

“You have boy problems, too?” I decide to question, not expecting her to really tell me much but I think she needs to vent just as bad as I do because she doesn’t even hesitate to spill the tea.

“Boy, do I? Long story short, I just got back from my date with this guy I’m seeing, or at least trying to see. Who knows at this point, but it was going well, and we talked, and he paid for me like a gentleman, but I don’t think it’s going to work out on my end. Did I mention that he’s my ex?” She chuckles as she sighs, simultaneously rolling her eyes and I give her a genuine and understanding smile.

“That sucks, I’m sorry,” I try to empathize with her. And I kind of can.

“Thanks. I mean, I might still be in love with him, and I’m not going to give up on that, but I hate knowing that some things don’t always work out for us, you know? But if I’m being honest, none of that compares to what you went through with your crazy ex. Whatever happened to him anyway?” She leans back into the wire of the chair readying herself to listen to my story.

“Basically, I’m seeing this new guy, and the morning after that happened at the bar, he came over to talk to me while my ex was still here.” I think about how much information I want to share. Normally, with Sterling, I’d go into all the dirty details about the whole thing. But I don’t feel comfortable sharing that information with Barbie just yet.

“Anyways, I was really honest to the guy I’m seeing about my ex and our past and what he was doing here. He was understanding and actually stood up for me when Asher finally met us in the kitchen and started demanding that he leave.” I take a breather trying to contain my blush, thinking about the things Nolan said in my honor, as Barbie smiles at me.

“But Asher finally left, and I haven’t heard from him since, thank goodness.” I shrug my shoulders at her, feeling absolutely no care in the world for his whereabouts or concern for what he’s doing. He’s out of my life for good, and part of me feels thankful to Nolan for that.

“He was acting a fool before you showed up, you should have seen him, girl. I almost pulled out my phone and put his ass onthe clock app,” she says referring to the night of the bar incident.

“Honestly, he would have loved that.” I brush the back of my neck. “He was so childish. I don’t know what I ever saw in him.” We both laugh, understanding that the situation as a whole might not be that funny, but recalling how ridiculous it was for it to have happened like that is.

“So, what’s the boy trouble now?”

I shift in my seat feeling flutters in my heart knowing I’m about to express how I really feel about Nolan to a complete stranger. I busy myself by taking a drink of my water and give myself a moment to think about what I want to say.

Part of me feels wrong for coming so close to telling a totally unrelated person about a story of how I am falling for a man I’ve only known for weeks, and how I’m in denial about it because I don’t want to risk getting hurt. I wonder if I should talk to Nolan about it or maybe try Sterling again. Shoot, maybe even my mom would be a better candidate to dump this kind of information on as opposed to the blonde bombshell sitting in front of me who, let’s be honest, can’t even make a simple margarita to save her life.

I set my glass down gently on the tabletop and opt for sharing something rather miniscule to the situation I’m in.

“Honesty, he’s just too good to be true, and I don’t know if I should run for the hills or soak it all up,” I say hoping that she buys the partial truth I’ve just told.

But it is true, I do think Nolan is absolutely perfect and I pinch myself every morning I wake up and think about him being in my life.

Barbie just laughs and we fall into this casual conversation about life. Boys and life and jobs and love.

She’s insightful, or at least she tries to be. But I can tell she’s still just trying to figure it all out for herself despite being older than me. And she admits that sometimes she feels like the weight of the world is on her shoulders, and she doesn’t know which way to move to shake it off without shattering it into a million pieces. Which does, in fact, put me at ease because I thought that starting all over like I’ve had to would be a huge setback for someone my age.

But I’m realizing that everyone has their own adulthood journey and not everyone needs to have their shit together by a certain age to live a successful life. Wow. Who would have known a girl named Barbie would be teaching me life lessons today?

After about an hour of random girl talk, I hear my phone ringing inside the house.

“Let me go check who that is,” I say to her, excusing myself to go grab my phone. I walk to the coffee table where I left it and see that it’s a text message…from Nolan.

I never got super specific with Barbie about Nolan at any point in our conversation. In fact, my mind had been taken off him for that last hour.

But I know that eventually I do have to face the music, so-to-speak, and approach my feelings head on. It just feels really scary to know that this could lead me to another hurtful outcome whether that means that he hurts me or just rejects me all together.

I put my phone back down in time to see Barbie strolling back into my house with her purse strapped over her shoulder.

“Heading out?” I ask.

“Yeah, girl, I have to get back home to my kid. And I’m getting tired honestly.” She smiles at me as we both meet at the front door. But it’s funny, because I almost forgot that she’s a mom and suddenly, I start to think about how that possibility will never be one that I’ll get to experience.

“Well, thanks for coming over, Barbie. I appreciate it,” I say as I open my front door for her.

She walks through the threshold then turns to look at me.

“Barbie, what a ridiculous name. Steve is something else, isn’t he? Like, he could at least try to be more original than to associate us with a crayon color and a childhood play doll.” We both let out a laugh because no one really talks about how silly it actually is to be called airheaded nicknames like that.